Venting God life sucks, now more than ever before.

[Topsy]

I'm constantly stressed and suicidal, before when I was suicidal it'd usually only get bad at night but now it's 24/7.
Sleep used to be my sanctuary, the one place where I could feel normal but now I'm having dreams about killing/harming myself.
Before I ended up in hospital for oding everyone used to say my suicidal thoughts were caused my my social anxiety, now they don't say a word about it.
I never even believed I had social anxiety until very recently. Yesterday I sat with a group of people for an hour or two and was being asked question after question.
It didn't take long before I was so anxious that I couldn't make eye contact with anyone, my leg wouldn't stop bouncing and I kept snapping the rubber band on my wrist in the hopes the pain would halt my rampaging emotions. Ever since I've been exhausted, that was the most emotionally draining thing I've had to experience in a while.

I just want to sleep and never wake up. God it sounds so much more peaceful than this miserable place.
But I have to wait, I haven't got the supplies yet or even the money I need to buy them.

I almost wish there was a place that I could jump from so this wait would finally be over.
My mind and body are exhausted and I don't want to do this anymore.
I just want to end it already.

Maybe I should just try cutting my vein instead, that'll help. At least for tonight.
Why worry about the scars from relapsing when you're going to die soon anyway.

 

[whatever1111]

I hope your pain diminishes as soon as possible, your situation sounds awfully painful :(

 

[Topsy]

Awhhh thank you hun <3
It's not bad really, I just like to mope ;'D

 

[TAW122]

That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear about social anxiety. I have social anxiety too as well as Aspergers so I know it is hell and tough where as most other people out there just go about their lives like nothing. It takes a lot of effort for me just to be myself and be comfortable. I don't know, but are you able to avoid people most of the time and only socialize whenever you feel like it? In other words, not being pressured to join a social group just for the sake of it, but under your own volition?

 

[GeorgeJL]

I'm constantly stressed and suicidal, before when I was suicidal it'd usually only get bad at night but now it's 24/7.
Sleep used to be my sanctuary, the one place where I could feel normal but now I'm having dreams about killing/harming myself.
Before I ended up in hospital for oding everyone used to say my suicidal thoughts were caused my my social anxiety, now they don't say a word about it.
I never even believed I had social anxiety until very recently. Yesterday I sat with a group of people for an hour or two and was being asked question after question.
It didn't take long before I was so anxious that I couldn't make eye contact with anyone, my leg wouldn't stop bouncing and I kept snapping the rubber band on my wrist in the hopes the pain would halt my rampaging emotions. Ever since I've been exhausted, that was the most emotionally draining thing I've had to experience in a while.

I just want to sleep and never wake up. God it sounds so much more peaceful than this miserable place.
But I have to wait, I haven't got the supplies yet or even the money I need to buy them.

I almost wish there was a place that I could jump from so this wait would finally be over.
My mind and body are exhausted and I don't want to do this anymore.
I just want to end it already.

Maybe I should just try cutting my vein instead, that'll help. At least for tonight.
Why worry about the scars from relapsing when you're going to die soon anyway.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Topsy]

That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear about social anxiety. I have social anxiety too as well as Aspergers so I know it is hell and tough where as most other people out there just go about their lives like nothing. It takes a lot of effort for me just to be myself and be comfortable. I don't know, but are you able to avoid people most of the time and only socialize whenever you feel like it? In other words, not being pressured to join a social group just for the sake of it, but under your own volition?

Thank you so much kiddo <3
And yes, that's part of the problem. I've been able to do that for the past three years ie, I've barely socialized with anyone at all over the past three years xD
I don't go to public school so I can basically avoid anyone and everyone I want to, great for my comfort zone not so great for my social skills. c':


And of course not GeorgeJL! I'm 16. ^-^

 

[Donewith_]

sorry to see you are suffering this way..
its a bad place to be in, i too am facing some issues from a long time. i have had anxiety as a kid, it really sucks.
But it is what it is.. i can not change anything .
i self harm sometimes with meds.. i know it just messes me up, i'll try not to in future. may be try not to self-harm, it brings many complications..
i am too still trying.

 

[Topsy]

sorry to see you are suffering this way..
its a bad place to be in, i too am facing some issues from a long time. i have had anxiety as a kid, it really sucks.
But it is what it is.. i can not change anything .
i self harm sometimes with meds.. i know it just messes me up, i'll try not to in future. may be try not to self-harm, it brings many complications..
i am too still trying.

Thank you and I'm sorry as well! <3
You're right, its good your trying not too though.
I wish you all the best and hope life takes it easy on you.