Açucarzinho583
com café!
- Sep 14, 2023
- 29
Since I was a child, I've always had a clear dream: to become a physicist. Specifically, a theoretical physicist. From a young age, looking up at the sky made me feel something indescribable. The stars, the planets, the galaxies—all of them seemed to call out to me. I wanted to understand the universe, unravel its mysteries, and contribute to something greater. I studied with dedication, sacrificed countless nights of sleep, and gave up moments with friends and family to chase this dream. But now, here I am, standing before an enormous void. It's not just the lack of opportunities or the weight of frustrations—it feels as if the universe, the same one that always inspired me, is telling me that my existence doesn't matter.
At the same time, I lived according to the values I was taught: honesty, respect, compassion. I never cheated, never stepped on anyone to get ahead, even when I knew it could give me an advantage. But while I struggled to follow the right path, I watched dishonest people thrive. Those who manipulated, lied, and walked over others were promoted and received recognition. The corrupt became wealthy, the liar was admired, and I, in my effort to do what was right, remained invisible.
I feel as though God lied to me. Of course, I never believed in God. To me, He has always been an idea created to give meaning to chaos, a source of comfort for those who cannot face reality. I grew up believing that we are responsible for our own destinies, that the universe is indifferent, and that there is no greater purpose beyond what we build for ourselves.
But sometimes, it's impossible not to feel as if this "lie" of God has hit me too. Not because I believe in Him, but because I've lived surrounded by an implicit promise: that things would make sense, that effort would be rewarded, that justice would prevail. Even without believing in something greater, I learned to live with the idea that the world, in some way, had order, a balance.
And here I am, in the same place as any disillusioned believer. There is no God, but there is the feeling of having been deceived. What is more cruel: to believe and be betrayed, or not to believe and still feel the weight of a lie that was never meant for you?
At the same time, I lived according to the values I was taught: honesty, respect, compassion. I never cheated, never stepped on anyone to get ahead, even when I knew it could give me an advantage. But while I struggled to follow the right path, I watched dishonest people thrive. Those who manipulated, lied, and walked over others were promoted and received recognition. The corrupt became wealthy, the liar was admired, and I, in my effort to do what was right, remained invisible.
I feel as though God lied to me. Of course, I never believed in God. To me, He has always been an idea created to give meaning to chaos, a source of comfort for those who cannot face reality. I grew up believing that we are responsible for our own destinies, that the universe is indifferent, and that there is no greater purpose beyond what we build for ourselves.
But sometimes, it's impossible not to feel as if this "lie" of God has hit me too. Not because I believe in Him, but because I've lived surrounded by an implicit promise: that things would make sense, that effort would be rewarded, that justice would prevail. Even without believing in something greater, I learned to live with the idea that the world, in some way, had order, a balance.
And here I am, in the same place as any disillusioned believer. There is no God, but there is the feeling of having been deceived. What is more cruel: to believe and be betrayed, or not to believe and still feel the weight of a lie that was never meant for you?
