God I Wish

[KlakkidClaude]

God I wish I wasn't under the surveillance preventing me from CTB
God I wish my loved ones would stop kidding themselves and thinking they love me
God I wish I wasn't an alcoholic
God I wish I was on my own so I could buy CTB drugs
God I wish I wasn't so afraid of heights so I could jump
God I wish I didn't have such a low pain tolerance so I could shoot myself
God I wish I didn't have such an overactive panic response so I could hang myself
God I wish I was alone, so I could use the bag method or "night night" or whatever without fear of having my life saved
God I wish my life was better
God I wish I could just be smited, struck by lightning, killed in a car crash, shot up in a robbery, so I wouldn't have to plan anything and my loved ones would see it as an accident
I've been trying my best to recover for over fifteen years now. It isn't happening. I just want everything to be over

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered for such a long time, it's so cruel and awful how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die, I understand why you'd just wish to be free. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.