Venting Giving up

[ItsOverIsntIt]

I think I am giving up. I don't care anymore and I am planning on ctb soon.

I am self sabotaging in hopes of forcing myself to ctb without flaking. I told myself I would get up and finish my assignment due today at 10 am. But now its 9:48 and I am not going to do it. I won't be able to recover so hopefully I can go peacefully soon. Set the date to October 4th, this should help me from backing out. Bought SN in the mail because I gave up on getting N, it was too much of a hassle

 

[lobster salad]

I am sorry you feel this way, I am in a similar situation at the moment

 

[BipolarGuy]

I think I am giving up. I don't care anymore and I am planning on ctb soon.

I am self sabotaging in hopes of forcing myself to ctb without flaking. I told myself I would get up and finish my assignment due today at 10 am. But now its 9:48 and I am not going to do it. I won't be able to recover so hopefully I can go peacefully soon. Set the date to October 4th, this should help me from backing out. Bought SN in the mail because I gave up on getting N, it was too much of a hassle

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

Have you received your SN yet?

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Have you received your SN yet?

Not yet but it should be here soon

 

[BipolarGuy]

Not yet but it should be here soon

If you don't mind me asking, what country are you in.
Don't answer if you don't want to.

I'd just be interested in finding out about other people's delivery experiences.

 

[Peter_pan90]

Yeah N is hard to get. Apparently is easy in Mexico. That´s what I heard.

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

If you don't mind me asking, what country are you in.
Don't answer if you don't want to.

I'd just be interested in finding out about other people's delivery experiences.

I live in America

 

[Peter_pan90]

I live in America

Can you take a quick trip to Mexico, not alone Obviously! There are a few Vet Doctors that will sell you. I actually think I ve stumbled on a thread here that had maps and all if am I not mistaken.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Thank you for making this post. You make me feel less alone knowing that someone else has a situation that is similar to mine.

I quit school this semester, bailed on the job I was recently hired for, completely let go of all health and hygiene, and partially disconnected from friends and family. This began two months ago when I made the final decision to ctb, started researching the different methods, and gathered the supplies for the one that is best for me.

I first attempted hanging at age 17 but the belt I used broke and I walked home from the woods and cried. Life has been a shit show ever since. I wish I was successful the first time, but here I am. I don't want to continue on with this miserable existence, but we all know how strong SI can be. Many people helplessly remain in perpetual torment because the task of suicide is too difficult to overcome, even though they would prefer to end it if they could.

I agree with you that sabotaging ourselves is a way to help us take control over our will, overpower our programmed ape circuitry, and get the fuck out of this hell to which we are shackled. I don't want to be held captive to this pointless vessel for human DNA that selfishly digs it's claws in and clings to life against the judgement of reason and logic. This selfish clinging of our DNA is leading to the destruction of our planet. Sustaining this much human life on the planet can't be done without major repercussions. LET US OUT AND SET US FREE!

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Can you take a quick trip to Mexico, not alone Obviously! There are a few Vet Doctors that will sell you. I actually think I ve stumbled on a thread here that had maps and all if am I not mistaken.

I dont know if I could do that without looking suspicious otherwise I would.

Thank you for making this post. You make me feel less alone knowing that someone else has a situation that is similar to mine.

I quit school this semester, bailed on the job I was recently hired for, completely let go of all health and hygiene, and partially disconnected from friends and family. This began two months ago when I made the final decision to ctb, started researching the different methods, and gathered the supplies for the one that is best for me.

You're welcome Glad I could make someone feel less alone

 

[Niirvana]

Yeah N is hard to get. Apparently is easy in Mexico. That´s what I heard.

Yes, in Mexico it's easy to get.... :(

 

[Silver]

Thank you for making this post. You make me feel less alone knowing that someone else has a situation that is similar to mine.

I quit school this semester, bailed on the job I was recently hired for, completely let go of all health and hygiene, and partially disconnected from friends and family. This began two months ago when I made the final decision to ctb, started researching the different methods, and gathered the supplies for the one that is best for me.

I first attempted hanging at age 17 but the belt I used broke and I walked home from the woods and cried. Life has been a shit show ever since. I wish I was successful the first time, but here I am. I don't want to continue on with this miserable existence, but we all know how strong SI can be. Many people helplessly remain in perpetual torment because the task of suicide is too difficult to overcome, even though they would prefer to end it if they could.

I agree with you that sabotaging ourselves is a way to help us take control over our will, overpower our programmed ape circuitry, and get the fuck out of this hell to which we are shackled. I don't want to be held captive to this pointless vessel for human DNA that selfishly digs it's claws in and clings to life against the judgement of reason and logic. This selfish clinging of our DNA is leading to the destruction of our planet. Sustaining this much human life on the planet can't be done without major repercussions. LET US OUT AND SET US FREE!

I found this interesting. I've been disengaging from IRL stuff as well because of intending to ctb but I hadn't thought of its mental preparation aspect too.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Yeah N is hard to get. Apparently is easy in Mexico. That´s what I heard.

Yes, in Mexico it's easy to get.... :(

It is not easy to get N in Mexico.

I live in Mexico. I have posted about it and so have other members. I'm pretty sure there is nothing posted on the forum with maps. Do a forum search of Mexico, one guy got some in Juarez and it was sketchy. In many places LE cracked down because of suicide tourism.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Is this an assignment for school? Like I used to say to my students, the primary purpose of assignments is to help you learn, not to ensure you can follow deadlines. I think profs are happy to give extensions if circumstances permit. Don't be too hard on yourself.

How is school going otherwise?

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Is this an assignment for school? Like I used to say to my students, the primary purpose of assignments is to help you learn, not to ensure you can follow deadlines. I think profs are happy to give extensions if circumstances permit. Don't be too hard on yourself.

How is school going otherwise?

Yeah it was an assignment for my english composition class. I know that the reason is to learn but I really hate that class a lot. It has a lot of reading and writing which for me takes up a lot of time and effort. I don't want to read and would even rather stare at a wall than do anything in that class.

My other classes I have been taking are fine, in a sense. They aren't too bad but I just don't have the effort to do them. I want to dropout because nothing gives me the same motivation or interest that I had before. I am taking a math class that has me pulling out my hair(figuratively). I am bad at math so I want to do the work even less. It sucks that I have no motivation anymore

 

[Meditation guide]

I am self sabotaging in hopes of forcing myself to ctb without flaking.

I wouldn't recommend that.

 

[KleinerWolf]

2020 has been a shitty year for everyone.

Missing an assignment is not the end of the world,
worst case scenario you repeat the assignment or semester,

besides, a degree is kinda over-rated nowadays anyways.

There's working as barista, selling arts online, entrepreneurship, and other sort of stuff you can explore.
Let's say academic is not for you, when god closes a door, he opens a window.
Everyone has a purpose, everyone discovers something that feels right.

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

I wouldn't recommend that.

Why wouldn't you recommend that?

 

[Mr2005]

Is this an assignment for school? Like I used to say to my students, the primary purpose of assignments is to help you learn, not to ensure you can follow deadlines. I think profs are happy to give extensions if circumstances permit. Don't be too hard on yourself.

How is school going otherwise?

I thought that was a way of letting everyone know how young they were which changes everything they're saying