Venting Giving up on someone perfect

[ninthhokage]

Last night I spent time with someone. We finally got together after 5 months, because he's always busy with work.

This guy is so amazing. Everything I could ever want in a partner. And it sucks. It really sucks that I won't be here much longer. He actually makes me want to do better and be better. I admire him so much.

I wish I wasn't this depressed. I wish I could actually commit to life and commit to him.

 

[jgm63]

Do you know what the main cause of your depression is ?

 

[Taki]

Last night I spent time with someone. We finally got together after 5 months, because he's always busy with work.

This guy is so amazing. Everything I could ever want in a partner. And it sucks. It really sucks that I won't be here much longer. He actually makes me want to do better and be better. I admire him so much.

I wish I wasn't this depressed. I wish I could actually commit to life and commit to him.

I know the feeling.

 

[Zer0]

I "had" a girl like that one time, she was ( and still is) the most perfect person in the world. She was the prettiest girl in the world, she was smart, she was a good person who cared for others. I'll never forget her, she was a blessing in my life but it didn't last long since i'm a shitty and toxic person.

 

[LonelyLight]

I am giving up on everyone. I know how you feel. Sorry, it sucks.

 

[Moonicide]

Reading this made me cry, because I start thinking about my boyfriend... If I wasn't so mentally ill and could support myself we would have had it all. I wondered what it would be like to have married him, to have children with him. Almost 3 years right there. I loved him dearly, even when he was bad to me, even when he hurt me. I loved him and I still do. I'll love him even when I ctb because to me he was it... I got into treatment because of him. I tried getting better. But it was inevitable. Losing him was inevitable. I know it's going to hurt him really bad when I pass away, but I can't deal with it anymore. I already have a goodbye letter and music mix set up for him, as well as a Christmas gift. It's all I have left.

 

[Final Escape]

Last night I spent time with someone. We finally got together after 5 months, because he's always busy with work.

This guy is so amazing. Everything I could ever want in a partner. And it sucks. It really sucks that I won't be here much longer. He actually makes me want to do better and be better. I admire him so much.

I wish I wasn't this depressed. I wish I could actually commit to life and commit to him.

Well that's a shame, are u absolutely sure u have to go? Sounds like he could be a reason to stick around. Unless there's some serious condition or I don't know what all is going on with u obviously. Why are u so depressed?

 

[ninthhokage]

Well that's a shame, are u absolutely sure u have to go? Sounds like he could be a reason to stick around. Unless there's some serious condition or I don't know what all is going on with u obviously. Why are u so depressed?

Honestly, a lot has happened in the last couple of days that has actually made me change my mind. It's crazy. I was adamant on following through with my plans. But, I reconnected with someone who really loves me and potentially have an opportunity to move into my own apartment.

My reasoning for wanting to go was nothing physical. I've suffered over a decade with depression. I attempted when I was around 16, and was committed to the hospital. Then, I began to self-harm several years later. I have a lot of self-hatred, as a result of being apart of the LGBTQ+ community. All the issues in my life resulted from my identity one way or another. I was bullied relentlessly by adult family members, and peers in high school. I have really bad social anxiety now, and feel like I'm never good enough. And any time it seems like I am actually accomplishing something, I fall back into a depressive episode and ruin my progress.

That's a TLDR of my life, I suppose.