Venting girlblog (recovery diary)

[notrllycherub]

this thread is going to act as my diary to record any progress in my recovery. i do have a physical diary, but i often struggle with writing new entries. i also think, that sharing my feelings and thoughts with anyone here might make me feel a bit less lonely or depressed.



i'm very happy with how my day went today. i hung out with my best friend and in the evening i went out with some of my classmates for drinks. don't think i've had this much fun in a very long time.

i'm still anxious about my finals. exam season starts in four days and it's the only thing i can bring myself to think about right now. some of my friends couldn't care less if they pass or not and i'm so jealous of them it's making me sick. my whole future depends on it and even though i spent hours studying almost every day i still feel like i could do so much more. sometimes i can't help but feel like i already failed. i'll propably kill myself if i won't get into uni.

i recently started having issues with hygiene. not to make it sound like i'm dirty or something, i'm still clean and i consider myself to be a very hygienic person. i started struggling with smaller things, like getting myself to wash my teeth, or with doing my morning skincare. it's not a lot, but it's still enough to really bother me.

~ cherub

 

[notrllycherub]

cw: ventttt

not much has happened since thursday, but i feel worse. previously i've posted, that i ordered SN, but i decided to request a refund before it got sent. i keep revising for my exams, but i'm starting to think, that i might not even pass. i don't even have enough words to articulate how much of an idiot i think i am. i wish i didn't have this much trouble with studying, sometimes i genuinely feel like i'm too stupid for a low wage job, not to mention getting into university. everything seems to be a challenge to me and every time i talk with other people i feel so, so behind. getting into uni is a dream of mine and it pains me that i'm the way i am, i keep beating myself up over each time i embarrass myself or get a fact wrong. i wish i was smarter.