Getting worse (rant)

[a_carbon_based_life]

I can feel myself slipping back into how bad my mental health used to be. I haven't had the energy to so much as shower in 4 days. I have to force myself to go and eat something at least once a day. I feel so alone but I feel like I don't deserve people. That everything I am or ever will be will never be enough, that I cover those around with with the blood coming from my wounds and hurt them even with my best intentions at heart. I heard someone yesterday say something along the lines of "you can't say you're peaceful if you're not capable of violence, if you aren't capable of violence then youre just harmless" and god how I wish I was harmless, that I didn't feel the need to rethink my every move, glance, word 15 times out of fear that I'll hurt someone, that I'm not good enough and the facade that I'm good enough to be worth anyone's time will slip. I feel like I deserved to be SA'd I feel like I might not have the energy to get back up this time

 

[Lo Priest]

I can feel myself slipping back into how bad my mental health used to be. I haven't had the energy to so much as shower in 4 days. I have to force myself to go and eat something at least once a day. I feel so alone but I feel like I don't deserve people. That everything I am or ever will be will never be enough, that I cover those around with with the blood coming from my wounds and hurt them even with my best intentions at heart. I heard someone yesterday say something along the lines of "you can't say you're peaceful if you're not capable of violence, if you aren't capable of violence then youre just harmless" and god how I wish I was harmless, that I didn't feel the need to rethink my every move, glance, word 15 times out of fear that I'll hurt someone, that I'm not good enough and the facade that I'm good enough to be worth anyone's time will slip. I feel like I deserved to be SA'd I feel like I might not have the energy to get back up this time

don't give credence to phrases which only glancingly antagonize you and trivialize your plights. don't let them turn you into a cookie cutter hannabarbera 'ill-show-you' villain of the week. you both breathe and feel far more than that, don't let these petty itches turn to ailments. i know you can grasp miles further that. i believe!
ps: if it helps, i haven't showered in one and a half weeks. and im with you with your eating lapses! and i love that you have best intentions at heart! hope you brave december as i fleetingly hope i do!