lyles
Student
- Oct 13, 2021
- 142
I almost wish my method fit the title for the sake of a pun.
But as it is, I have been spiraling all day. I always have known that I would need to act in the moment with minimal forethought the day I decided to kill myself. I haven't fasted, but I do have plenty of SN. I could stop eating, take it in 5 hours. I would take ibuprophen and melatonin to try and sleep through the initial shitty side effects I am anticipating. I would pass away over the night.
I don't know if I will actually do it tonight. Probably not, my SI is already making me anxious. But I want to. I wish I could just turn off my brain and do it. I wish I could do it without hurting anyone else in my life (a certainty). It would be horrid timing now anyways. But still.
Suicide is unbearably complicated.
But as it is, I have been spiraling all day. I always have known that I would need to act in the moment with minimal forethought the day I decided to kill myself. I haven't fasted, but I do have plenty of SN. I could stop eating, take it in 5 hours. I would take ibuprophen and melatonin to try and sleep through the initial shitty side effects I am anticipating. I would pass away over the night.
I don't know if I will actually do it tonight. Probably not, my SI is already making me anxious. But I want to. I wish I could just turn off my brain and do it. I wish I could do it without hurting anyone else in my life (a certainty). It would be horrid timing now anyways. But still.
Suicide is unbearably complicated.