Getting random spurts of motivation followed by a crippling feeling of despair

[lostangel]

People have said that this could mean that you're not ready to go yet.

Lately after discovering a Youtube channel called ''Alpha Male strategies'' a few days ago. I have been getting hope that I can fix myself and maybe make it through this. But then after I get overwhelmed by a lot of sad emotions and get brought back to reality.

Can anyone else relate to this?

 

[Lutembëe]

I can relate. I often watch inspiring videos or articles saying that tomorrow will be better and that I can change who I am. But it lasts a few hours or at best a day or two. And I realize that this is an illusion and that nothing will change. I'll always be the depressed, suicidal young woman.

 

[Remember to forget]

Yes I can relate. I try to self motivate. The sun is shining, the air is fresh and warm, spring is here. I hate the winter so I tell myself how wonderful life will be when it arrives. This weekend had been the most disappointing and draining one I have had for ages. Just trying to find the the next thing to try and kick me in gear.
Music can be very motivational but even that's wearing thin.

 

[braketimez]

Yes, for the first time in my life, this is happening to me. It used to be that my crippling feelings were occasional. But now everything has reversed. I ocassionally feel motivated, but my baseline is despair.

 

[suicidaltoad]

I sometimes feel similar. I'll be driving down the road, drowning in my depression then something will trigger my brain to be extremely hopeful and happy for about 30 seconds and then it immediately crashes back down. I think I have some sort of bipolar disorder but my psychiatrist shrugged it off when I talked to her about it

 

[faust]

Motivational books used to help me for some time. But if you do nothing after reading those books, that is self-deception.
You cannot get too far on inspirational videos. They work only for a certain amount of time.

 

[jgm63]

People have said that this could mean that you're not ready to go yet.

Lately after discovering a Youtube channel called ''Alpha Male strategies'' a few days ago. I have been getting hope that I can fix myself and maybe make it through this. But then after I get overwhelmed by a lot of sad emotions and get brought back to reality.

Can anyone else relate to this?

The whole "alpha male" concept seems more based on ignorance to me, and ultimately that won't lead you anywhere good.

I would recommend spiritual teacher, Barry Long
e.g. you could make a start with :

Spoiler: HOW TO STOP THINKING

Spoiler: Start Meditating NOW

 

[reapandsow918]

I'm ready to go but I think you can still have moments of joy in life that makes you question your decision to CTB. It's normal. I have moments of joy all the time but I know that in the end, I must CTB.

 

[lostangel]

Motivational books used to help me for some time. But if you do nothing after reading those books, that is self-deception.
You cannot get too far on inspirational videos. They work only for a certain amount of time.

Yes, that is a very good point. I must try and self improve or else it is self-deception.

 

[braketimez]

I'm ready to go but I think you can still have moments of joy in life that makes you question your decision to CTB. It's normal. I have moments of joy all the time but I know that in the end, I must CTB.

This is how I feel more and more. I know my life will most likely end by my own hand.

 

[bpdandme]

People have said that this could mean that you're not ready to go yet.

Lately after discovering a Youtube channel called ''Alpha Male strategies'' a few days ago. I have been getting hope that I can fix myself and maybe make it through this. But then after I get overwhelmed by a lot of sad emotions and get brought back to reality.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Massively, especially as I have BPD so I am either suicidal or euphoric. It's so tiring to be in these cycles which seem impossible to break out of. Try not to hold yourself to an unrealistic standard, success/recovery/happiness is not linear - keep working at it if you can find the energy. Here if you want to chat to someone who understands how your feeling right now!

 

[waterbottleman]

Yeah I get motivated whenever I dream about going to the red light district in Thailand and living there for a wide variety of reasons.

To me living in the red light district in Thailand is far more than about sex, a large part of it is being in a place where you're actually noticed, given attention, are accepted, don't feel rejected by society as a whole like I do here in the US.

It motivates me because when I dream about this I actually feel like a person who matters which is something I've never experienced my whole life. In a way it's like a second life entirely.

 

[Randomgirl009]

Can definitely relate. Sometimes I feel like I can do anything then when my mood is low I get pissed at myself for 'believing the lie' lol

 

[Serenity]

Me too - sometimes I make all these plans for how I'm going to "fix my life" and then I realize how unrealistic it all is and I just go back to the way I felt originally. It's usually triggered by some sort of motivational video or thing I read, sometimes it happens randomly.