orange
Experienced
- Nov 19, 2021
- 243
I am absolutely socially retarded irl, i can only keep conversations with my partner who thinks i'm funny for some reason, and maybe her friends. as a result i'm socially starved and relentlessly bullied. i've only been to a club once when i was still a minor years ago and i left early with a panic attack. my life is literally a normie's quarantine life, and there was a literal mental health crisis during the fact in my country. quarantine just made my life slightly more bearable by shielding me from abuse.
anyways today i played games on a discord call with some people i met online, and the RELIEF right after was nuts. I could concentrate on studying and be productive for 20 minutes straight which for me is a fucking FEAT. I actually felt fine. I have a knot in my throat writing this. we really are social creatures. immediately after i became aware of what i was doing the moment passed and now i'm back to feeling miserable. normies really are living on easy mode. have you any idea of how much my grades would improve if i just felt like this all the time? it's actually impressive I can even pass any classes with how little actual study time i sneak in between ruminating on abuse and fantasizing about suicide.
i imagine how much better my brain would treat me if the thing that I dread and despise the most, social interaction, became a normal and enjoyable thing like it is for everyone else and I just :(
anyways today i played games on a discord call with some people i met online, and the RELIEF right after was nuts. I could concentrate on studying and be productive for 20 minutes straight which for me is a fucking FEAT. I actually felt fine. I have a knot in my throat writing this. we really are social creatures. immediately after i became aware of what i was doing the moment passed and now i'm back to feeling miserable. normies really are living on easy mode. have you any idea of how much my grades would improve if i just felt like this all the time? it's actually impressive I can even pass any classes with how little actual study time i sneak in between ruminating on abuse and fantasizing about suicide.
i imagine how much better my brain would treat me if the thing that I dread and despise the most, social interaction, became a normal and enjoyable thing like it is for everyone else and I just :(