Getting closer

[agreement]

After a few months of pause, I'm getting closer again to CTB.
I feel again my moment coming in a matter of some days, a few weeks and no more in a matter of some or several months.
I've done a really serious dry run a couple of weeks ago and it left me more confident in being able to doing it.
Part of this dry run was a training to follow impetus and momentum and also this has been successful.
This means that it could be that, instead of a planned late night CTB preceded by sending delayed emails, backup and cleaning of pc, cleaning (almost) of home and maybe a post here,
I may opt for an impromptu CTB without any kind of preparatory actions.
So I'm leaving this post to let people know that if I would suddenly disappear , it would more probably than before mean that I've CTB.
I'm using this post also to hug all of you.

 

[suffering]

I envy your courage... I am sending a hug as well, may you find peace...

 

[agreement]

I envy your courage... I am sending a hug as well, may you find peace...

Thanks buddy.
I don't know if it's courage or not, in my dry run I was finally feeling more at ease with the whole thing , including the possibility that I could fail or even being successful things could be a lot more painful and dreadful and long than expected.
But I was there, literally a step away from doing it and it was ok.
It was ok that not everything was ok and under control.
Than who knows , I've spent months in the past being always 24 or 48 hours from doing it but in the end nothing happened.
This time is different because I've accepted that not everything could be perfect or under control and doing it without thinking too much about could be the best solution.

 

[dandan]

ok ok, good good, so you plan on haning?
like a step away from doing it?
seems like full suspension, since you are a step away and seems no going back..
I went and buy N, have N in my hands, but haven't drink them, I could take meto stat dose of 40mg and then go for the farmacy for the fentoin so N is more powerful... and then drink the N , and be asleep later today... but im scared...

 

[agreement]

ok ok, good good, so you plan on haning?
like a step away from doing it?
seems like full suspension, since you are a step away and seems no going back..
I went and buy N, have N in my hands, but haven't drink them, I could take meto stat dose of 40mg and then go for the farmacy for the fentoin so N is more powerful... and then drink the N , and be asleep later today... but im scared...

My method is garroting + hanging.
First strangle myself with a DIY garrote/tourniquet and do this with the rope for hanging already set around my neck also, so I'll kind of strangle myself twice.
But as I told at this point I'm up for anything so I'm ready to just dangle from the beam for a while.

 

[dandan]

ok ok, alright , cool cool, any way or anything you decide to do, whatever it is... i wish pain goes away... or that emotional mental undesired state...

 

[agreement]

ok ok, alright , cool cool, any way or anything you decide to do, whatever it is... i wish pain goes away... or that emotional mental undesired state...

Thanks buddy.
Good luck with your drink and with anything else.

 

[dandan]

thanks mate, yup , I feel like you... the bus is getting closer

 

[throwaway777]

i wish u peace whatever u decide ! u know u re always welcome here

 

[agreement]

i wish u peace whatever u decide ! u know u re always welcome here

 

[Roberto]

After a few months of pause, I'm getting closer again to CTB.
I feel again my moment coming in a matter of some days, a few weeks and no more in a matter of some or several months.
I've done a really serious dry run a couple of weeks ago and it left me more confident in being able to doing it.
Part of this dry run was a training to follow impetus and momentum and also this has been successful.
This means that it could be that, instead of a planned late night CTB preceded by sending delayed emails, backup and cleaning of pc, cleaning (almost) of home and maybe a post here,
I may opt for an impromptu CTB without any kind of preparatory actions.
So I'm leaving this post to let people know that if I would suddenly disappear , it would more probably than before mean that I've CTB.
I'm using this post also to hug all of you.

The same ... a big hug and if we don't encounter again, have a nice trip to the peace land.

 

[agreement]

The same ... a big hug and if we don't encounter again, have a nice trip to the peace land.

Peace to you... brother.