Venting gender dysphoria

[loneliestlovergirl]

I've been trying to force it away. make myself girlier. since no one would ever believe me. but I am a trans man. no one will ever see my pathetic girly figure as a man. no one cares about trans men. everyone hates us. everyone. including ourselves. and honestly that's for the better imo. my body is disgusting. But if we complain about dysphoria beyond the boobs we get called misogynistic. but I don't care anymore. I hate being a fucking girl. I'm so disgusted with my body it feels contaminated. no one could ever love me, especially if I ever decide to get surgery. because then the few things that gave me any value will be gone, even if I look more like a boy. I hope in the next life I can be born right. and since there is probably no "next life" well, at least i want have a stupid fucking girl body in the void. I can't have sex. looking at penises makes me want to die, both from SA trauma and the fact that I'll never have one. Just this stupid disgusting vagina. periods are absolute hell. If I wanted to bleed that much and be in that much pain i'd just slit my stupid wrists already. being a woman is a fucking prison I should just ctb already but I'm too much of a little bitch. and misogyny. there is so much of it, and it can't help but feel personal. because even though I feel like a man, the guy who groped me at the gas station didn't care. the guy who told me he was gonna rape me a week ago didn't care. It hurts so bad. and nobody cares. women hate trans men since we are betraying womanhood, men hate us because we have a girl's body. i don't fit in anywhere. I'm just a stupid girl who wants what she can't have. I can't call myself a man. Ive been trying so hard. I wear skirts and talk high and it makes me want to ctb more. I hope one day this torture will push me over the edge and I'll finally do it. I wish I could change my username I made chose it in an episode of extra self-loathing.

 

[Sweet Tart]

If you go into Account Details, scroll down to User Name. Mine says I can change mine on x date (maybe depending on when I joined, idk)

In the Rules faq, it says you can change your User Name in Preferences but I don't see the option, maybe because of above. If you aren't able to change yours yet, maybe a mod can help, due to your User Name causing distress.

Sorry to hear you are going thru so much with gender and body stuff. I'm a queer cis woman and have always had trans people in my life. I get that it's more complex than I can imagine but I'm here for you and also hope you are able to connect with other trans people around these topics, either on SaSu or elsewhere.

 

[stainedtips]

I can't lie to you and tell you it will 100% get better over time. But I can tell you that you can help yourself overcome this. I promise you the vast majority of the population does not think like that. Transphobes/homophobes are a loud minority and most people actually don't care of actively support you. I advise you to find a group of people like you, not just a forum like this one but queer/trans friends so you can feel more at home. Your life and your sentiment will not change if you do not act on it. So please do. You objectively have a lot of potential. Please have hope in yourself and persevere, you can make it out of the hole you're in. I'm sorry if this post isn't very good, i'm not good at giving advice this just hit home a little more because I relate to you (body dysphoria but as a man/enby) so I tried my best

 

[angel31]

You arent the problem transphobes are. That is just a fact. I am really sorry that you feel this way and mad that there are such assholes in this world. But I promise you, most people dont care how you look, they care how you are. And from what I could read from your post you seem like a guy I would like to spend time with.
I know this sounds dumb and thats not how it works, but you really have no reason to hate yourself. Because there is nothing wrong with you. And dont forget that people that say otherwise are objectively wrong. Thats no opinion thats fucking science.
I really can't imagine how hard it must be to be trans in such shit times… But even though it might not look like it, people are getting more and more accepting… Its not enough and never will be, but it is getting better.
Love <3