Gathering strengh to SN ctb

[Lancellottix]

Right now i'm gathering the strengh necessary to prepare my SN drinks.
I'm experiencing a real fucked up anxiety. My whole body is shaking. Smoked 2 packs of cigarettes along the day.

I don't really know what i want to say, or what i expect from posting it - or even if unconsiously i believe that saying thins will put out my anxiety. What I know is that its being some of the hardest moments for me since always.

I can't stop strugling with the idea that i'm leaving my seven y.o boy behind, it's hurting me so much. But I can't stay alive anymore. I live a life of pain, the depression took my mind away more than 10 years ago. Tried so many times to ctb, but failed. Have been abusing of cocaine so that it could take my life away, but it was just a waste of money, it did nothing to my health - so in the end SN is the method i choose.

Bought 2 kilos of SN 97% pure - I know its dramatic because it would only take 25g drinks to do the job but precaution is never too much.

I'm currently waiting for the 8 hour fast to end so I can prepare the drinks I have been planing for so long.

Thank you if you read this pointless text so far. Hope I can find my peace in a hour or two.

 

[absolutelyyou]

I'm so sorry you've come to know this much despair and pain. No matter what you end up doing I hope you are able to find and know peace.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

So sorry this dreadful world has caused you so much pain. I wish you peace in whatever you decide.

 

[Lancellottix]

Thank you for replying. I'm going to take a hot shower now so maybe I can stop shaking and will do my final decision
Just took an antiemethic and am preparing 4 drinks of SN

60 ml water + 27g of SN as per my weight

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from all the suffering, best of luck with your plans.