Venting Gaslighting

[jackie_boy1337]

How many other people have ever heard "you just need to stop thinking".

"You'd be fine if you just stopped overthinking and stopped worrying."

Usually coming from people with pretty ideal lives to begin with.
I'm sick and tired of hearing that... especially when I've spent the great majority of my life with:

1. People treating me like complete shit on a regular basis despite my best efforts to be a decent human being.

Or

2. Weird ass people, who think they get to blow through my life creating a bunch of chaos and distress, and then just fucking disappear or fuck things up so bad I have to cut them off.

And then "the peanut gallery" basically sits there and wonders why I choose to socially isolate myself completely, or are completely beside themselves when I DARE ask for an explanation of others' behavior.

I'm so sick of this bullshit and being treated like a fucking science experiment when in reality I'm not that bad of a human being and definitely haven't done anything to deserve the way I've been treated for the past few years.

I fucking hate those stupid fucking pieces of shit who fucked my life up so bad to the point that I am where I am today (they know who they are, and I sincerely hope every single one of them ends up in a similar situation someday.)

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you've been treated so badly

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Its almost always coming from someone who hasnt experienced the worst of depression or just flat out doesnt know the extent of how bad it gets
Reminds me of a tiktok I saw awhile back that goes like this;
'Oh my god, people's depression gets so bad they cant brush their teeth???'
'...peoples depression gets so bad they kill themselves, Janet...'


My least favorite personally is the aspect of our society that puts a lot of emphasis on reaching out *despite* how shitty people can be
Dont get me wrong, I see a lot of value in that, I think a lot of us ultimately wind up here because we feel alone
But I think a lot of us have also tried and had it fail
I would *love* a shoulder to cry on or a safe place to vent out my feelings, that just isnt viable in my life unless its someplace like this

If people arent even going to notice Im gone, or arent going to bother to say anything when Im clearly in distress, or cant even muster something more than just a 'damn' when Ive just spilled out my entire life story in their DMs, I dont see the point in reaching out to them
I already feel enough like a burden without people confirming those suspicions for me
I get being busy or dealing with your own problems but... sometimes that just ends up being borderline neglectful
No, you arent owed anyones time or care- but having the expectation that they will when youve put all this effort into doing so for them is justified
And of course theres the people that dont understand or manipulate you and make the situation ten times worse- if my last ex hadnt told me to kill myself I probably wouldnt be on this site in the first place to be honest


You didnt deserve those types of people in your life and I hope you can find some better more understanding ones some day
Either that or the isolation brings some comfort in it
You definitely arent alone in being frustrated by this regardless, trust me

 

[FuneralCry]

It does seem as though in a life like this other people often just make things worse and just cause more harm. Humans are responsible for a lot of the suffering that exists in this world. People often judge and invalidate what they don't understand, they wouldn't be saying those dismissive things if they experienced life in the same way as the other person. People should just be respectful of what others go through rather than just dismiss their feelings.

We all have different limits as to what we can cope with in life and all experience life differently after all. But people can certainly be cruel and the types of people that you interacted with sound so awful. It's better to stay away from people in my opinion and not open up about our suffering.

 

[Pluto]

Yes, it's another classic case of simplistic advice caused by a lack of empathy.

The funniest one was my aunty telling me to just quit my miserable job, as if I can just forget about paying bills like her (she's retirement-age).

As I often say, it is a damn shame average people are so inept in handling others in real distress. The same old throwaway comments do more harm than good.

 

[jackie_boy1337]

It does seem as though in a life like this other people often just make things worse and just cause more harm. Humans are responsible for a lot of the suffering that exists in this world. People often judge and invalidate what they don't understand, they wouldn't be saying those dismissive things if they experienced life in the same way as the other person. People should just be respectful of what others go through rather than just dismiss their feelings.

We all have different limits as to what we can cope with in life and all experience life differently after all. But people can certainly be cruel and the types of people that you interacted with sound so awful. It's better to stay away from people in my opinion and not open up about our suffering.

Thank you, I appreciate your response.

On the rare occasions I feel the need to talk about my problems (like most people here) I just need somebody to vent to... It doesn't even need a response.
I'd rather have somebody say nothing at all, rather than gaslighting, invalidating everything I say, or telling me to "move on"- or my least favorite "a lot of shit has happened to you, and you'll probably never know why. Lol."

As far as I'm concerned, I've spent my entire life "just moving on" and something has %100 got to change whether it be me checking out early, or other people learning some decent boundaries by either treating me like an actual human being, or disappearing from my life.

Sorry you've been treated so badly

Thank you;
in my experience family is usually the worst- almost like they deserve the right to treat you so poorly because they may have supported you in the past.

And then there's total strangers who have been so incredibly kind that it blows my mind... but they're few and far between.

 

[almaranthine]

Its almost always coming from someone who hasnt experienced the worst of depression or just flat out doesnt know the extent of how bad it gets
Reminds me of a tiktok I saw awhile back that goes like this;
'Oh my god, people's depression gets so bad they cant brush their teeth???'
'...peoples depression gets so bad they kill themselves, Janet...'


My least favorite personally is the aspect of our society that puts a lot of emphasis on reaching out *despite* how shitty people can be
Dont get me wrong, I see a lot of value in that, I think a lot of us ultimately wind up here because we feel alone
But I think a lot of us have also tried and had it fail
I would *love* a shoulder to cry on or a safe place to vent out my feelings, that just isnt viable in my life unless its someplace like this

If people arent even going to notice Im gone, or arent going to bother to say anything when Im clearly in distress, or cant even muster something more than just a 'damn' when Ive just spilled out my entire life story in their DMs, I dont see the point in reaching out to them
I already feel enough like a burden without people confirming those suspicions for me
I get being busy or dealing with your own problems but... sometimes that just ends up being borderline neglectful
No, you arent owed anyones time or care- but having the expectation that they will when youve put all this effort into doing so for them is justified
And of course theres the people that dont understand or manipulate you and make the situation ten times worse- if my last ex hadnt told me to kill myself I probably wouldnt be on this site in the first place to be honest


You didnt deserve those types of people in your life and I hope you can find some better more understanding ones some day
Either that or the isolation brings some comfort in it
You definitely arent alone in being frustrated by this regardless, trust me

your ex sounds like a piece of shit. you didn't deserve that person in your life either. It breaks my heart that you found yourself here after being verbally abused like that (I imagine that was just the tip of the iceberg too). I sincerely hope you are able to find peace in your life

 

[SectOfValtiel]

your ex sounds like a piece of shit. you didn't deserve that person in your life either. It breaks my heart that you found yourself here after being verbally abused like that (I imagine that was just the tip of the iceberg too). I sincerely hope you are able to find peace in your life

She was, yeah, and it really was just the tip
The whole relationship was just her trying to get back at her last ex, she was still talking to him the whole time
Then I said something she didnt like and then it was just a bunch of 'fuck yous' while I tried desperately to save it
Even after we broke up I still cared about her, still tried to be there for her
Was only a month or two later she told me she forgot I even existed, told me to kill myself because I called out something shed said as an obvious manipulation tactic... yeah
A real swell chick

In a way Im thankful
She helped make me less trusting and therefore less gullible, helped show me Im not always the asshole even if I tell myself I am
She reminded me just how much better my ex before her really was... and that helped me realize just how bad the times i *have* been the asshole really were- which is a good thing in my mind, at least I know where I went wrong even if it still lost me my heart in the end

Thanks for the kind words, but I think Ill always believe I did deserve it
I mean it wasnt long after Id hurt someone I promised I never would... that just looks like the epitome of karma to me

 

[LastFlowers]

One of the most frustrating and destructive things to deal with, when paired with suffering…or when it's directed specifically at the reasons as to why the suffering exists.

 

[littlelady774]

Or "That never happened"
"I never said that"
"You'll be fine"