Future You and my NDE

[TraumaEscapee:)]

Years ago I had an NDE. I'm not going to say how I died or how I came back to life. I will say this.... I ended up in the black void. My first thought was "I'm here forever" I felt fear and confusion. My second thought was "Everyone's going to think I'm in heaven but I'm here". I kept stating it wasn't my time. A voice asked me "is this what you really want" (I'd been severely suicidal and depressed before the act that killed me) and I said it's not my time. The voice said "it's not your time" I saw a blinding white light and was back in my body.

As much as I want to CTB and not be here. My fear is....what if I CTB and end up in a horrible place for eternity. There would be no way out. And not only that but I don't know what future "me" looks like. She could be a married women, with children, a great career and a loving husband. If I CTB could I be robbing a life away from myself that I dream of? I'll never know if I CTB. The "what if" and difficulty in CTB keeps me here.

My dream is that one day I'll be loved and wanted by someone. I have no family and no friends. I'm extremely lonely. There are a lot of people who CTB and perhaps they rob a future away from themselves that they could have only ever dreamed of. I live with bpd and c-ptsd I love in pain every day. But I hope one day if I don't CTB that I'll be so happy and so loved. I don't want to be lonely or uncared for or unloved anymore.

 

[CantDoIt]

Years ago I had an NDE. I'm not going to say how I died or how I came back to life. I will say this.... I ended up in the black void. My first thought was "I'm here forever" I felt fear and confusion. My second thought was "Everyone's going to think I'm in heaven but I'm here". I kept stating it wasn't my time. A voice asked me "is this what you really want" (I'd been severely suicidal and depressed before the act that killed me) and I said it's not my time. The voice said "it's not your time" I saw a blinding white light and was back in my body.

As much as I want to CTB and not be here. My fear is....what if I CTB and end up in a horrible place for eternity. There would be no way out. And not only that but I don't know what future "me" looks like. She could be a married women, with children, a great career and a loving husband. If I CTB could I be robbing a life away from myself that I dream of? I'll never know if I CTB. The "what if" and difficulty in CTB keeps me here.

My dream is that one day I'll be loved and wanted by someone. I have no family and no friends. I'm extremely lonely. There are a lot of people who CTB and perhaps they rob a future away from themselves that they could have only ever dreamed of. I live with bpd and c-ptsd I love in pain every day. But I hope one day if I don't CTB that I'll be so happy and so loved. I don't want to be lonely or uncared for or unloved anymore.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I hope you get exactly what you want!

I think that, also, you won't be stuck in that void once you die. When you called for help you were rescued. Believe it or not, this seems to happen semi frequently in NDEs. You weren't going to be left there in that place forever.

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I hope you get exactly what you want!

I think that, also, you won't be stuck in that void once you die. When you called for help you were rescued. Believe it or not, this seems to happen semi frequently in NDEs. You weren't going to be left there in that place forever.

Really? It's why I've been scared to CTB
Because I was scared of being in the void for eternity

 

[CantDoIt]

Really? It's why I've been scared to CTB
Because I was scared of being in the void for eternity

Definitely dont do it unless you're absolutely sure. Look up void NDE concepts on the NDE subreddit.

I do not in any way encourage you, I just think the void isn't what it seems. What would it make sense to put deceased humans in a void for all eternity?

 

[jar-baby]

I haven't had a void NDE but I recently had an experience that, after reading about distressing NDEs, I found to be analogous in many ways (particularly to void NDEs). Tangentially, I was a pretty firm physicalist before this.

You mention that you're very lonely and yearn for love. This is purely intuition but I think that bodes well. Which sounds odd, but as CantDoIt said, NDErs have been saved from the void and in some experiences, what allowed them to be saved was precisely that—asking and wanting for the light and love of a collective consciousness that experiencers of positive NDEs often report.