Venting Fucked up and dont know what to do

[marypary1234]

Hello everyone,

I have been using this site many hours everyday since I joined. I try to find a way to go, but its so hard. I have tried night night, partial hanging and pills (stupid, yes I know). Its no tall buildings or anything i can jump from where I live. I can not get a gun (its strict in my country) or SN.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression almost all my life and its getting worse everyday. I am fucked in everyway, dont have money (but lots of debt) or friends (anymore). No contact with family. Can not buy anything to try CtB. I know you can not give me advice about what to do... I really dont know why I am writing this, probably need to vent a little.

But why does it have to be so hard to die???? I really dont know what to do.. i am desperate..

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to be gone, it feels so cruel and horrible to me how I cannot just have the option to painlessly die in peace, I wish painless death is accessible for me. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief from the suffering you search for, it sounds like you've suffered a lot.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I agree, it so inhumane not to have access to good methods.

 

[marypary1234]

I also just wish to be gone, it feels so cruel and horrible to me how I cannot just have the option to painlessly die in peace, I wish painless death is accessible for me. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief from the suffering you search for, it sounds like you've suffered a lot.

Thank you for your good words. Wish you the best too!

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I agree, it so inhumane not to have access to good methods.

Yes, it is. And my worst fear is to not succeed and end up paralyzed with zero chance for CTB.