Venting Fuck my mom. Tonight is the night.

[Mustkeyknow]

Four years ago I had two options: either study computer science, or accept a job my sister offered me where she was the HR lead. I went for the job. It was a shitstorm. The worst job I've ever had, the worst four years of my life. Right now I could've been graduating in something useful, I couldve had friends, real friends. I could've gone into a better job or even if there wasn't a better job I could've feel accomplished. What did I got instead? I'm now traumatized for life, taking meds for depression and my wrists are slit. The worst part, and I know this is my fault, is that I asked for advice to my mom and my sister as to what to do back then. Both of their options was the job, because we're fucking poor and how dare I say no to a job? My sister was very adamant as to why study something else when I already had a finance undergraduate. "Be a man and get a job" my mother wanted me to finish my finance career which I LOATHE, and back then I was high all the time to make a proper decision. I got accepted at college but went for the job instead.

The worst four years of my life.

I didn't made a single friend, everyone was so awful, the pay was shit, the activities I had to perform where laughable. It was a government job so everyone was a lazy motherfucker. Those four years ruined my life and I could've been someone right now. Someone better, I could've had open doors. I of course blame myself, I didn't know it was going to be like this. Now I find myself, four years later, back to where I started. Applying for meaningless jobs because I got nothing else to offer, shitty call centers positions with no future, and I fucking blame myself, but I also blame my mother and my sister, they fucking ruined my life. I ruined my life. Now I'm old enough and no one will hire me even if I go to college, and I don't wanna do online college because I wanted to meet people, I never had the college experience, my finance undergraduate was a fucking hell. I didn't wanna be there, I didn't made a single friend. I hated it and the only reason why I stayed was because my mom, was adamant that I finish it no matter what. And I was fucking dumb enough to listen to her. My sister is of course high in her horse when she was able to study what she wanted, and she obviously doesn't understand why I would want to study something else.

It's not fair, I'm a fucking moron, and my mom and sister are fucking imbeciles. Now I'm four years later and my life is completely ruined, my career went nowhere and I want to CTB ASAP.

Fuck my mom, she can die of pain, she can pay for the funeral and go broke, she can have a heart attack when she gets the news. I don't care. They both ruined my life. I ruined my life.

"BE A MAN"

Fuck that shit. Tonight is the night. I'm doing my metos, I'm fasting the hours. I'm catching the bus.

 

[Iloveyouall]

I understand your anger and hate. Yeah, people are far less from perfect and have shitty advice most of the time. It's logical to blame yourself then for following those advice but you know what ? You had no way to know how it was going to go. Your relatives had no way to know either. People talk shit every time, the world would be a good place if everyone was wise and just would stop with their advice. You're not wrong for making mistakes.
I can feel your pain, feeling stuck in your professional life, feeling worthless, being scared for your future but YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB.
The world tells you that you'll be someone if you succeed in having money, in being popular, in accomplishing yourself by your professional life, but THE WORLD IS FULL OF SHIT. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. You are way more than what the world or society see in you. We are all way more great than this world.
You are right in a way, fuck your sister, fuck your mom, fuck the world, fuck what it tells you to be but don't fuck yourself.
Your are great dude, no matter what you feel, no matter your anger, no matter how much you hate, no matter what you believe, YOU ARE GREAT.

 

[lotus11]

erugh family are the worst, cant stand mine either

 

[yuvo]

I understand your anger and hate. Yeah, people are far less from perfect and have shitty advice most of the time. It's logical to blame yourself then for following those advice but you know what ? You had no way to know how it was going to go. Your relatives had no way to know either. People talk shit every time, the world would be a good place if everyone was wise and just would stop with their advice. You're not wrong for making mistakes.
I can feel your pain, feeling stuck in your professional life, feeling worthless, being scared for your future but YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB.
The world tells you that you'll be someone if you succeed in having money, in being popular, in accomplishing yourself by your professional life, but THE WORLD IS FULL OF SHIT. It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. You are way more than what the world or society see in you. We are all way more great than this world.
You are right in a way, fuck your sister, fuck your mom, fuck the world, fuck what it tells you to be but don't fuck yourself.
Your are great dude, no matter what you feel, no matter your anger, no matter how much you hate, no matter what you believe, YOU ARE GREAT.

^^^^^^^ great point

 

[Lostandfound7]

It's not too late, love. I know what it's like to feel like you've wasted time. I feel like that everyday n regret making better decisions later in my life n not earlier..I understand ur pain cuz I'm there myself, trying to give myself another chance. Plz give yourself another chance..
We r here for u.

 

[Apathy79]

You've wasted 4 years of your life? I'm sure that seems like an enormous amount - it sure did to me in my early 20s - but shit, I've wasted the last 24 years of mine now. Chalk it up to experience and do one better than me. What's stopping you from doing computer science now?

 

[yuvo]

I think you should try going back to school for CS!

You got this!

 

[MysticPerception]

You sound like you're in a state where you aren't going to listen to anyone else giving advice as you feel completely fucked over from past advice right now. I understand, if you do go through with it I hope you find peace. If you back down though, don't be afraid to try again. Everything is over when you die, but you can still go back to school even if you're older now. You can still make friends, the age gap for friendship is bigger than you would expect. I've made friends with plenty of people well over 50 or 60 and can talk to them just like anyone else I'm friends with. Your life is only over if you decide it is. If you want to end it, good luck. But if you want to pursue what you actually want in life then know that even if that falls through you can always come back to this and attempt again then.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about how your mother's advice caused you to be where you are today. I don't know if it is possible to start over again to earn another degree. If you are able to (both having enough money saved up) or take out a huge loan to do so, then do consider that option. Either way, whether you decide to start over and try again or CTB, I wish you the best and peace in your decision.

 

[GrimeGlow]

Your story is like a lot relatable to mine and I'm heartbroken that's the reality to high percentage of us, young adults fucked over by the reality of the system that we were brought up.

Like on my side, I kinda did the opposite. Gave up on my dreams of going to musical college to pursue a fucking STEM in Automatic Control and Robotics, because "YOU MUST HAVE A WELL PAYING CARRER ". 4 years later (I have a engineering/bachelor degree in it and I'm 23), not only did my college fuck me up mentally, but also the rat race that was happening turned out that i have no friends from this time at all. I even tried to work in this shit position but quit after a month. Now I'm a fucking NEET since like 8 months and feel it's over for me. But then again, I'm ready and set to CTB, so my story already has a finish.

The only thing that I can advise to you is to be fully honest with yourself. Why would you want to pursue IT career? If it's only for financial factor then there is a high chance you would be stuck pretty much in the same position feeling sick everyday for doing what you hate to make a living just like I'm right now.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Four years ago I had two options: either study computer science, or accept a job my sister offered me where she was the HR lead. I went for the job. It was a shitstorm. The worst job I've ever had, the worst four years of my life. Right now I could've been graduating in something useful, I couldve had friends, real friends. I could've gone into a better job or even if there wasn't a better job I could've feel accomplished. What did I got instead? I'm now traumatized for life, taking meds for depression and my wrists are slit. The worst part, and I know this is my fault, is that I asked for advice to my mom and my sister as to what to do back then. Both of their options was the job, because we're fucking poor and how dare I say no to a job? My sister was very adamant as to why study something else when I already had a finance undergraduate. "Be a man and get a job" my mother wanted me to finish my finance career which I LOATHE, and back then I was high all the time to make a proper decision. I got accepted at college but went for the job instead.

The worst four years of my life.

I didn't made a single friend, everyone was so awful, the pay was shit, the activities I had to perform where laughable. It was a government job so everyone was a lazy motherfucker. Those four years ruined my life and I could've been someone right now. Someone better, I could've had open doors. I of course blame myself, I didn't know it was going to be like this. Now I find myself, four years later, back to where I started. Applying for meaningless jobs because I got nothing else to offer, shitty call centers positions with no future, and I fucking blame myself, but I also blame my mother and my sister, they fucking ruined my life. I ruined my life. Now I'm old enough and no one will hire me even if I go to college, and I don't wanna do online college because I wanted to meet people, I never had the college experience, my finance undergraduate was a fucking hell. I didn't wanna be there, I didn't made a single friend. I hated it and the only reason why I stayed was because my mom, was adamant that I finish it no matter what. And I was fucking dumb enough to listen to her. My sister is of course high in her horse when she was able to study what she wanted, and she obviously doesn't understand why I would want to study something else.

It's not fair, I'm a fucking moron, and my mom and sister are fucking imbeciles. Now I'm four years later and my life is completely ruined, my career went nowhere and I want to CTB ASAP.

Fuck my mom, she can die of pain, she can pay for the funeral and go broke, she can have a heart attack when she gets the news. I don't care. They both ruined my life. I ruined my life.

"BE A MAN"

Fuck that shit. Tonight is the night. I'm doing my metos, I'm fasting the hours. I'm catching the bus.

That rings close enough to home. Yeah, best wishes.

 

[nbn]

Four years ago I had two options: either study computer science, or accept a job my sister offered me where she was the HR lead. I went for the job. It was a shitstorm. The worst job I've ever had, the worst four years of my life. Right now I could've been graduating in something useful, I couldve had friends, real friends. I could've gone into a better job or even if there wasn't a better job I could've feel accomplished. What did I got instead? I'm now traumatized for life, taking meds for depression and my wrists are slit. The worst part, and I know this is my fault, is that I asked for advice to my mom and my sister as to what to do back then. Both of their options was the job, because we're fucking poor and how dare I say no to a job? My sister was very adamant as to why study something else when I already had a finance undergraduate. "Be a man and get a job" my mother wanted me to finish my finance career which I LOATHE, and back then I was high all the time to make a proper decision. I got accepted at college but went for the job instead.

The worst four years of my life.

I didn't made a single friend, everyone was so awful, the pay was shit, the activities I had to perform where laughable. It was a government job so everyone was a lazy motherfucker. Those four years ruined my life and I could've been someone right now. Someone better, I could've had open doors. I of course blame myself, I didn't know it was going to be like this. Now I find myself, four years later, back to where I started. Applying for meaningless jobs because I got nothing else to offer, shitty call centers positions with no future, and I fucking blame myself, but I also blame my mother and my sister, they fucking ruined my life. I ruined my life. Now I'm old enough and no one will hire me even if I go to college, and I don't wanna do online college because I wanted to meet people, I never had the college experience, my finance undergraduate was a fucking hell. I didn't wanna be there, I didn't made a single friend. I hated it and the only reason why I stayed was because my mom, was adamant that I finish it no matter what. And I was fucking dumb enough to listen to her. My sister is of course high in her horse when she was able to study what she wanted, and she obviously doesn't understand why I would want to study something else.

It's not fair, I'm a fucking moron, and my mom and sister are fucking imbeciles. Now I'm four years later and my life is completely ruined, my career went nowhere and I want to CTB ASAP.

Fuck my mom, she can die of pain, she can pay for the funeral and go broke, she can have a heart attack when she gets the news. I don't care. They both ruined my life. I ruined my life.

"BE A MAN"

Fuck that shit. Tonight is the night. I'm doing my metos, I'm fasting the hours. I'm catching the bus.

Hey, please calm down. I can understand ur problem. It seems ur problem is temporary. Where r u from. U r healthy,and it seems u have lot of potential. 4 years is not a very big time. U can still pursue the studies u want. Please take care,and think again.

 

[Soul]

@Mustkeyknow, I'm sorry you went through all that. I hope you can find a way to use your energy to achieve things you want. Be good to yourself, and journey well x

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry your family has given you so much struggle and pain. Is there any option of going back to school, and establishing a career you would enjoy away from your family?

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Your story is like a lot relatable to mine and I'm heartbroken that's the reality to high percentage of us, young adults fucked over by the reality of the system that we were brought up.

Like on my side, I kinda did the opposite. Gave up on my dreams of going to musical college to pursue a fucking STEM in Automatic Control and Robotics, because "YOU MUST HAVE A WELL PAYING CARRER ". 4 years later (I have a engineering/bachelor degree in it and I'm 23), not only did my college fuck me up mentally, but also the rat race that was happening turned out that i have no friends from this time at all. I even tried to work in this shit position but quit after a month. Now I'm a fucking NEET since like 8 months and feel it's over for me. But then again, I'm ready and set to CTB, so my story already has a finish.

The only thing that I can advise to you is to be fully honest with yourself. Why would you want to pursue IT career? If it's only for financial factor then there is a high chance you would be stuck pretty much in the same position feeling sick everyday for doing what you hate to make a living just like I'm right now.

I didn't know what I wanted when I was in my twenties, and now that I'm in my thirties I think I do. I enjoy typing fast, and creating things. Thing is I'm old enough to be retired from it, not barely starting an entry level position, the IT field is also very discriminating when it comes to age. Either way I'm fucked. I can't start over, it's too late for me. I wanna CTB so bad, maybe in another life I'll be a programmer, and yeah sure it's all about money, but again I think I could've become a great programmer. Anyway.

I'm sorry your family has given you so much struggle and pain. Is there any option of going back to school, and establishing a career you would enjoy away from your family?

It's... hard. Like I don't think it's possible at this point. I talked to my parents and they're of course worried and want me to study and they'll be willing to pay for it but I just don't think it's realistic at this point. I'm too old to start a career in IT. But then again who knows. I just wanna sleep forever.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

 

[Iloveyouall]

I didn't know what I wanted when I was in my twenties, and now that I'm in my thirties I think I do. I enjoy typing fast, and creating things. Thing is I'm old enough to be retired from it, not barely starting an entry level position, the IT field is also very discriminating when it comes to age. Either way I'm fucked. I can't start over, it's too late for me. I wanna CTB so bad, maybe in another life I'll be a programmer, and yeah sure it's all about money, but again I think I could've become a great programmer. Anyway.

It's... hard. Like I don't think it's possible at this point. I talked to my parents and they're of course worried and want me to study and they'll be willing to pay for it but I just don't think it's realistic at this point. I'm too old to start a career in IT. But then again who knows. I just wanna sleep forever.

What would you want to create ?
If you're really into it, you can be autodidact into IT and not having to deal with the toxicity of it's environment. You can create your own project.

 

[reapandsow918]

Sorry you have to approach this decision with some anger.

 

[Mywill]

Unsupportive parents are the worst, especially when they don't know anything about mental health. Good luck on your attempt and wish peace.

 

[rntmss]

Never let your profession identify you. My father was a trucker for 40 years and even though people would talk mad shit about that when it would come up, he didn't care. That was just what he did to pay the bills. It wasn't who he was.

You are what you do outside of work. What do you do for fun? Do you have hobbies? Sports?