I've been preparing for my inevitable death (suicide) for a loooong time, however slowly over time. It's been one year since I've gathered supplies and 2 years for mentally preparing myself. Last week (and today) was the breaking point for me because of a 'rushed and sketchy' fallout with all of my 'close friends'.
The one thing I had for a while was friends, and that was all that I've wanted in the past, and I had it. Only now without them do I have the substantial motivation to kill myself
I've been trying today for a while (short suspension) and it really is hard. I haven't practiced this whatsoever because it's dangerous to do so and very lethal, but it's not quick and lethal Enough for me sadly.
My physical body fights against me when I try short suspension. My mind tried to fight against my physical body but it gets overpowered. My subconscious is filled with 'hope' that things could be better and I could try to resurrect my friendships but human hopefullyness is fucking bullshit
It was working fine before but attempt after attempt, fail after fail (usually after my head starts to hurt and things start to fade) things stated to seem ok and I've lost much of my motivation now
I wish I could've just gotten this over with. I wish I didn't have to fucking choke myself to death, fighting against my body, my mind, and my hope for the future.
I just needed to post this somewhere. It's been too long since I've read or posted any venting (and especially anything related to suicide - it's not just something you can casually mention to someone and have a good discussion about..)
The one thing I had for a while was friends, and that was all that I've wanted in the past, and I had it. Only now without them do I have the substantial motivation to kill myself
I've been trying today for a while (short suspension) and it really is hard. I haven't practiced this whatsoever because it's dangerous to do so and very lethal, but it's not quick and lethal Enough for me sadly.
My physical body fights against me when I try short suspension. My mind tried to fight against my physical body but it gets overpowered. My subconscious is filled with 'hope' that things could be better and I could try to resurrect my friendships but human hopefullyness is fucking bullshit
It was working fine before but attempt after attempt, fail after fail (usually after my head starts to hurt and things start to fade) things stated to seem ok and I've lost much of my motivation now
I wish I could've just gotten this over with. I wish I didn't have to fucking choke myself to death, fighting against my body, my mind, and my hope for the future.
I just needed to post this somewhere. It's been too long since I've read or posted any venting (and especially anything related to suicide - it's not just something you can casually mention to someone and have a good discussion about..)
