All I have ever wanted my whole life was to have a daughter, and now unfortunately I'm tied down with a son I just frankly do not like and cannot connect with.
I knew this kid was going to be trouble when my ex pill head girlfriend would not stop using methadone while the kid was in utero, I read all the horror stories about babies born with methadone addiction and it scared me as I'm not a patient person.
I begged my gf to get prenatal care but of course she has stupid wild notions that CPS would have been up our asses and had not one doctor visit. And of course she developed preeclampsia and as a result seizes and had to make an emergency c section which caused the kid to be born a month premature.
I really fucking loathe my gf because she's a fucking knowitall, college egg head cunt. She's utterly sent my life into financial turmoil since we met and during pregnancy of course she would not work even a desk job and would bite my head off when I suggested it . Turns out she never told me she was claiming disability so that's why she wouldn't work. She's a lazy fucking pig
The day she siezed up and nearly died I was supposed to start a new job but I was so depressed I just didn't feel like going. I lied and told her that that the trainer was t going to be there. I regret not going in because I could have been free of her and the demon child I have.
You hear of people feeling love for their child at ultrasounds and at birth, an indescribable feeling of joy and oxytocin. I felt nothing. And when I saw it wasn't a girl I cried, not because there was joy. It was sorrowful tears because I'm never going to try to have kids again. That was my one shot and it's gone.
When the kid was born a month premature and I got to meet him it wasn't a sweet moment, no it was horrible, this little boiled bologna hooked up to machines and surrounded by nurses and the most glass shattering shrill scream you ever heard emitting from this thing that would make you want to jump out a window.
Incessant shrill Screaming that he still does, normal babies have a cry and cries that signify needs. This fucking kid shrieks when he doesn't have a bottle in his mouth or is asleep. And only calm whenever he sleeps on my side of the bed of course.
I've tried to connect and read and communicate but it's just not there for me, I resent him a lot especially because while in the nicu he was a fucking diva and if he wasn't doted on he would scream his head off to a point where it sent his heart out of whack. Now he's been on a Med for a month that fucks with his stomach and his mood and he's an utter nightmare. Now we have to make frequent doctor visits and cardiology and all kinds of shit.
I don't care who thinks I'm a bad person for this I just don't. I was going To kill myself but then when I found out my cunt gf was pregnant I was for sure it was going to be a girl. I had a certain name picked out for years and when she was pregnant that name popped up everywhere! And I though maybe it was a sign but nope of course the universe kicks me in the balls as it has for 36 years. Incidentally my horried meth head ex was pregnant too and of course was blessed with a perfect baby girl..
And no I don't hit or abuse this kid, I still care for him and feed and change him but I just do not like nor enjoy him.
Fuck. My .life
I knew this kid was going to be trouble when my ex pill head girlfriend would not stop using methadone while the kid was in utero, I read all the horror stories about babies born with methadone addiction and it scared me as I'm not a patient person.
I begged my gf to get prenatal care but of course she has stupid wild notions that CPS would have been up our asses and had not one doctor visit. And of course she developed preeclampsia and as a result seizes and had to make an emergency c section which caused the kid to be born a month premature.
I really fucking loathe my gf because she's a fucking knowitall, college egg head cunt. She's utterly sent my life into financial turmoil since we met and during pregnancy of course she would not work even a desk job and would bite my head off when I suggested it . Turns out she never told me she was claiming disability so that's why she wouldn't work. She's a lazy fucking pig
The day she siezed up and nearly died I was supposed to start a new job but I was so depressed I just didn't feel like going. I lied and told her that that the trainer was t going to be there. I regret not going in because I could have been free of her and the demon child I have.
You hear of people feeling love for their child at ultrasounds and at birth, an indescribable feeling of joy and oxytocin. I felt nothing. And when I saw it wasn't a girl I cried, not because there was joy. It was sorrowful tears because I'm never going to try to have kids again. That was my one shot and it's gone.
When the kid was born a month premature and I got to meet him it wasn't a sweet moment, no it was horrible, this little boiled bologna hooked up to machines and surrounded by nurses and the most glass shattering shrill scream you ever heard emitting from this thing that would make you want to jump out a window.
Incessant shrill Screaming that he still does, normal babies have a cry and cries that signify needs. This fucking kid shrieks when he doesn't have a bottle in his mouth or is asleep. And only calm whenever he sleeps on my side of the bed of course.
I've tried to connect and read and communicate but it's just not there for me, I resent him a lot especially because while in the nicu he was a fucking diva and if he wasn't doted on he would scream his head off to a point where it sent his heart out of whack. Now he's been on a Med for a month that fucks with his stomach and his mood and he's an utter nightmare. Now we have to make frequent doctor visits and cardiology and all kinds of shit.
I don't care who thinks I'm a bad person for this I just don't. I was going To kill myself but then when I found out my cunt gf was pregnant I was for sure it was going to be a girl. I had a certain name picked out for years and when she was pregnant that name popped up everywhere! And I though maybe it was a sign but nope of course the universe kicks me in the balls as it has for 36 years. Incidentally my horried meth head ex was pregnant too and of course was blessed with a perfect baby girl..
And no I don't hit or abuse this kid, I still care for him and feed and change him but I just do not like nor enjoy him.
Fuck. My .life
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