Discussion Frying my brain

[etheral]

I'm curious if someone else is doing or experiencing something similar.

I live alone and work from home so there's no one to talk to for most of my day(s). I have pretty much no friends and often go days without any human contact, just by myself.

Because of this I need to have something keeping my mind busy at all times. I have videos or podcasts running on my speaker when I'm doing chores, endlessly scrolling social media to numb my feelings, even have something running in the background when I'm playing video games or reading a book.

I know as soon as I stop it and let my thoughts run freely it usually turns dark quickly. I realize it especially at night when I'm trying to sleep. Even then I need to have smth in the background like rain sounds, white noise etc.

It feels weird realizing how much I've gotten used to keeping myself distracted. It also makes me wonder if this causes or amplifies things like derealization which I'm experiencing quite regularly.
Almost like I've managed to trap my brain in a sort of cage to prevent it from harming itself, myself. Pretty eerie.

 

[nintendo64]

I do this too. I'm constantly trying to keep myself busy with anything and often stay awake for as long as I can and drink until I just pass out from exhaustion so I don't have to be alone with my thoughts for even a second.