From Recovery to Losing Hope

[dandan]

Has anyone in recovery lost hope?
I've been lot better , but nights and days like the last couple I've lost hope of making /having a good life, of having good relationships.

I just have inside some pains , regrets, and even unknown thoughts due to the fact that I can not find a clear way to enjoy life under my circumstances.


I see people with bigger larger problemas and they seem to make a decent life, while I think of drinking N as my way out. Luckily I do have expired N, it should be good .. but how many years afters expiration should it be good.

I could try looking for it again, but the law has make it more difficult.

I don't know how am I going to live a good life without hope , I need some hope man.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Have it tested. How old is it?.

Sorry I don't have any hope to share with you.

 

[Weather]

I suppose hope is... amorphous and fitful. Sometimes it is there; sometimes it is not. Sometimes you can see it; sometimes you cannot. Very few things are constant, and hope is not one of them. It is trying to figure out how you can continue forward when it is absent, because given enough time, some sort of hope in, or for, something will likely return, even if it's just a wisp. I suppose that's what recovery is -- committing to the wait for hope to return when all hope is lost.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope your wait is not too long.

 

[Deleted member 94]

All I can say is freedom from duality states hope and despair go hand in hand you should not seek either. It's a school of thought. It teaches you to achieve mental balance.

 

[dandan]

im better now, after reading few Radical Acceptance posts, I should not evade reality and commit to it.
I fucked up again, damm it. Have to accept it, its not easy

 

[Deleted member 94]

Nice to see you found a way to bounce back.

 

[Niftypoint124]

Some of the ways people talk about "recovery" makes it seem like an end-state or final product, rather than an ebb and flow of shit feeling not-so-hot in our heads. Sometimes I go long periods where ctb isn't top-of-mind... and sometimes it's just a few days (or weeks) before I drop back down into unhappier lines of thinking, or interpretation of my situation.

Recovery is a slog, for sure, but some days up is better than all days down, imo.

 

[Amumu]

Trying to have basic needs fulfilled : healthy food, healthy sleep, healthy sexuality could be an asset, even without hope.
How old is your N btw ?

 

[dandan]

Trying to have basic needs fulfilled : healthy food, healthy sleep, healthy sexuality could be an asset, even without hope.
How old is your N btw ?

I'm fucked up on sleep, I think I'll have to go back to benzos or something. My smartwatch can prove it. Sex too, fucked up, love life too.

Pretty much, summing it all up, today is a turning around night. I went back to thinking "fuck it" I'll drink the N soon OR I will have to .....do something weird or become someone weird.....

By the way my N expired on March this year. So it should be good , it's in my fridge back home, unless my house has been robbed and I don't know.

I now own a shitty house on credit that I might never be able to fully pay or whatever.....

I really enjoyed being fine for 1.5 years on dianabol and testo, my depression feelings have been away for almost 1.5years but LIFE is hard after so many losses in my life , I don't want to be poor.... For starters, girls don't like poor, skinny, tempered guys... and today I had an experience to see that...

 

[AutoTap]

Yeh I feel hopeless

 

[Sensei]

Pretty much, summing it all up, today is a turning around night. I went back to thinking "fuck it" I'll drink the N soon OR I will have to .....do something weird or become someone weird.....

You have nothing to lose. Go weird!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I switch between recovery and absolute fucking despair from one day to the next. As soon as I decide one way or the other something will happen to negate it. Welcome to the fence, the reason I'm still here, figuratively and metaphorically.

 

[dandan]

I switch between recovery and absolute fucking despair from one day to the next. As soon as I decide one way or the other something will happen to negate it. Welcome to the fence, the reason I'm still here, figuratively and metaphorically.

I sure get it... recovery for me, its away from depression, totally.
despair comes when I see no good future in my life.... (which is just a thought that I believe is real)

man, I've seen you around since long ago.... well at least your avatar, unless someone copied it.

lets wish us both the best and good luck, plus we must remember we need action to make things happen

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I understand.
Happens to me constantly, like a limbo rollercoaster.
What I honestly believe is that the brain can get used to suffering so much at one point, the recovery idea quickly gets out of place again and again.
Tossed around like a hot potatoe.

I just truly "hope" you find what you are seeking one way or the other.
Perhaps the recovery, something can be done, worked on to have it's supports dugged in deeper.
I don't have the answers to it, but I would like to think most of us will one day do.

 

[dandan]

I understand.
Happens to me constantly, like a limbo rollercoaster.
What I honestly believe is that the brain can get used to suffering so much at one point, the recovery idea quickly gets out of place again and again.
Tossed around like a hot potatoe.

I just truly "hope" you find what you are seeking one way or the other.
Perhaps the recovery, something can be done, worked on to have it's supports dugged in deeper.
I don't have the answers to it, but I would like to think most of us will one day do.

Well , I have lived the best 1.5 years of my life with testosterone and dianabol..... if I die today, at least I enjoyed the last year and a half. But I want more you know?
Real assertiveness, success (not only money) , the grit to do what I want to do, and LOVE

 

[Lotus]

Yes, I can awfully relate. I've been giving recovery a chance, but every time I give something a try I end up failing, get abandoned and basically feeling worse by every day. I really want to give recovery a chance, but I'm losing the hope so fast now that I'm filled up with uncertainty. I have multiple panic attacks daily. I feel stuck in this horrible circle of hell that I'm desperately wanting to get out of. It went so much better earlier this year, so I'm so sad that it's turned out like this.

 

[dandan]

Yes, I can awfully relate. I've been giving recovery a chance, but every time I give something a try I end up failing, get abandoned and basically feeling worse by every day. I really want to give recovery a chance, but I'm losing the hope so fast now that I'm filled up with uncertainty. I have multiple panic attacks daily. I feel stuck in this horrible circle of hell that I'm desperately wanting to get out of. It went so much better earlier this year, so I'm so sad that it's turned out like this.

And what are your daily activities Monday to Friday if I may ask? You a man or a woman?