From recovery back to an awful situation and uncertainty.

[dandan]

I've been living the best weeks of my life, it's been 25, 26 weeks of complete recovery from my depression and awful feelings.

Now I'm dealing with reality.

I've lost 20 years in recovery where I didn't learn to prosper in life, or even be good at my job so I've been changing jobs and now I'm not great at what I do and I risk losing my job, and since in not great won't be easy getting another one, unless I'm lucky like I've been before.

Today I've been remembering how my family didn't helped me in those 20 years, well my mom did, only her. My father, I hate him today because of that.

During my depression I couldn't work, I've begged them to buy some Bitcoin , and that could've save me from my current financial situation, today they are having money issues too, and they complain, so I tell them that they shouldn't complain with me, they didn't did what I begged them to do.

The worst part, what's really knocking me down, is I don't know what / how / what will I do?
I'm not 18, so going to school and learn and start over is not an option.



I'm 37.... I'm fine now.... but the lack of knowledge or opportunity might take me back to consider ctbing? Gosh what an awful thought. I didn't consider ctbing an option for the last 25 weeks and I'm now thinking about it again , fuck it!

Fuck my dad , Im really feeling evil towards him
:(
Wishing him the worst , but I'm the one who lost 20 years of his life and now I'm just seeing the situation I'm in.

Damm it. Don't know what to do....

 

[Sensei]

If I were to dwell on my past, I'd kill myself in an instant. I know it's so much easier said than done, but try to look to the future and do the best you can with what you have. It may not become the life you've dreamed of, but it can still be a good life.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Remember that this is a caring community, and we are always here for you.
Sending peaceful thoughts.

 

[Jean4]

It's never too late to start again. I did a whole life and career change at 40. Baby steps.

 

[Susannah]

I know how you feel, and it's difficult to let the past go, and start living. You are still young enough to make changes, and be great at your job, whatever you decide to do. I hated both my parents for several years because they didn't help me when I needed them the most. I had to "forgive" them, most of all for my own sake. I wish you the best and send you lots of love.

 

[dandan]

It's never too late to start again. I did a whole life and career change at 40. Baby steps.

What a great personal event, would you mind if I asked what change you did , how did you find your next career?