Venting From my experience, forgiveness just simply does NOT exist. If you screw up in the first place, that's fucking IT!

[ConfusedHurting2632]

EVERY single time I made a mistake towards another person, they NEVER forgave me, no matter how HARD I tried to make it up to them. No matter how much time has passed since the mistake either, sometimes even a decade or more, they still held towards their grudge and hatred towards me. Not ONE person I've wronged and tried to make up to forgave me. Literally not a SINGLE one.

It also doesn't matter if I was always nice and helpful towards the person before. Like if I have a thousand good days with the person, and then just ONE bad day with the person...that ONE bad day AUTOMATICALLY undoes the thousands of good days. They are no longer relevant. Only the bad day matters at that point, and its all people will remember you for.

I write this and post this on this website, to say I fucking hate humans and human nature, and it's one of the MAIN reasons I wanna kill myself so bad. I'm 21 years old today, turning 22 in about 2-3 months, and life has ALWAYS sucked as far back as I can consciously remember: when I was 6 years old in kindergarten. Back then life SUCKED a lot already, and it gradually kept getting WAY worse over the years, and it's at its worst point at all today at age 21 years old, and I can feel it getting EVEN worse! Aaaaaaaah!

I hope I can kill myself soon someday...truthfully, genuinely. So I can escape this bullshit world full of asshole humans who can never let go of their grudges and hatred towards others.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry. I wonder if it's about trust though. Obviously- I can't really comment on your situation but I suppose from my experiences- even one time someone has let me down shows me that I can't rely on them. I don't exactly treat them differently- I'm still nice to them- but, the trust is diminished to some extent. Sometimes I think it can be a defense mechanism- if friends and loved ones let you down from time to time- it seems safer to not rely on them in the first place. I've come to the conclusion that even friendships I thought were deep are in fact- just fair weather friendships. It's sad- because I would love to form deep connections with people but- if that results in me getting hurt- it doesn't seem worth it. I wonder if your friends are the same. It doesn't necessarily have to have been you that did something 'wrong'. It may just be that numerous bad experiences have caused them to put up barriers to stop themselves from becoming hurt further. I could be wrong of course- but- that's been my experience in life. I probably don't let people in so much now because I don't want to get hurt.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm sorry. I wonder if it's about trust though. Obviously- I can't really comment on your situation but I suppose from my experiences- even one time someone has let me down shows me that I can't rely on them. I don't exactly treat them differently- I'm still nice to them- but, the trust is diminished to some extent. Sometimes I think it can be a defense mechanism- if friends and loved ones let you down from time to time- it seems safer to not rely on them in the first place. I've come to the conclusion that even friendships I thought were deep are in fact- just fair weather friendships. It's sad- because I would love to form deep connections with people but- if that results in me getting hurt- it doesn't seem worth it. I wonder if your friends are the same. It doesn't necessarily have to have been you that did something 'wrong'. It may just be that numerous bad experiences have caused them to put up barriers to stop themselves from becoming hurt further. I could be wrong of course- but- that's been my experience in life. I probably don't let people in so much now because I don't want to get hurt.

Excellent reply.
I feel exactly the same way.

EVERY single time I made a mistake towards another person, they NEVER forgave me, no matter how HARD I tried to make it up to them. No matter how much time has passed since the mistake either, sometimes even a decade or more, they still held towards their grudge and hatred towards me. Not ONE person I've wronged and tried to make up to forgave me. Literally not a SINGLE one.

It also doesn't matter if I was always nice and helpful towards the person before. Like if I have a thousand good days with the person, and then just ONE bad day with the person...that ONE bad day AUTOMATICALLY undoes the thousands of good days. They are no longer relevant. Only the bad day matters at that point, and its all people will remember you for.

I write this and post this on this website, to say I fucking hate humans and human nature, and it's one of the MAIN reasons I wanna kill myself so bad. I'm 21 years old today, turning 22 in about 2-3 months, and life has ALWAYS sucked as far back as I can consciously remember: when I was 6 years old in kindergarten. Back then life SUCKED a lot already, and it gradually kept getting WAY worse over the years, and it's at its worst point at all today at age 21 years old, and I can feel it getting EVEN worse! Aaaaaaaah!

I hope I can kill myself soon someday...truthfully, genuinely. So I can escape this bullshit world full of asshole humans who can never let go of their grudges and hatred towards others.

Sorry to say this, but you will be extremely lucky to find someone who loves you unconditionally.
Sorry you are going through this.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm very sorry that you have such a horrible life and I wish you luck to have success. I have an all-forgiving and unconditionally loving mother and also a wife, and that doesn't make it easier rather harder to end my years long agony and pain of permanent failures, what a cruel and hostile world this is out there.

 

[FuneralCry]

This human species really is so horrible in general to me, it should realistically go extinct from people no longer choosing to so cruelly force life here, it's certainly understandable just wishing to be free from this repulsive world where there is unlimited potential to suffer.

 

[TheAntithesis]

EVERY single time I made a mistake towards another person, they NEVER forgave me, no matter how HARD I tried to make it up to them. No matter how much time has passed since the mistake either, sometimes even a decade or more, they still held towards their grudge and hatred towards me. Not ONE person I've wronged and tried to make up to forgave me. Literally not a SINGLE one.

It also doesn't matter if I was always nice and helpful towards the person before. Like if I have a thousand good days with the person, and then just ONE bad day with the person...that ONE bad day AUTOMATICALLY undoes the thousands of good days. They are no longer relevant. Only the bad day matters at that point, and its all people will remember you for.

I write this and post this on this website, to say I fucking hate humans and human nature, and it's one of the MAIN reasons I wanna kill myself so bad. I'm 21 years old today, turning 22 in about 2-3 months, and life has ALWAYS sucked as far back as I can consciously remember: when I was 6 years old in kindergarten. Back then life SUCKED a lot already, and it gradually kept getting WAY worse over the years, and it's at its worst point at all today at age 21 years old, and I can feel it getting EVEN worse! Aaaaaaaah!

I hope I can kill myself soon someday...truthfully, genuinely. So I can escape this bullshit world full of asshole humans who can never let go of their grudges and hatred towards others.

My God. You don't know how much I relate to this post. For me, any kind of companionship feels like a rope, no matter how many good days we spend together, how many nice things are said, no matter what happens, the rope never gets stronger.

And on the inverse, God forbid something bad happens, it's like the rope begins to unravel, strand by strand, and there's absolutely no way to fix it.

Meanwhile you have people who literally tear each other apart and they seem to be in some awful two way Stockholm syndrome friendship. It's bizarre, and unfair.

It seems like people like us are just designed to be the enemies of humankind.

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

This human species really is so horrible in general to me, it should realistically go extinct from people no longer choosing to so cruelly force life here, it's certainly understandable just wishing to be free from this repulsive world where there is unlimited potential to suffer.

Ah yes, I completely agree. But I also wanna thank you personally FuneralCry for being so active on this website, and sometimes being the ONLY person to comment on my posts! It really means a lot and makes my posts feel heard! So thank you lots for that! <3 <3 <3

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

we are all evil. maybe they think you are the bad person....., used to think like you some decades back. thought i was the good guy whom everyone else misunderstood.-- my family, my employers, my clients, the government, etc...., then it finally dawned on me... I AM THE PROBLEM...., however, the acceptance that we are the problem takes a big heart. the realisation that you are the problem..., and the world is better off without you..., is a very humbling realisation. ... hopefully, you will take it in your step and accept the harsh reality and ctb.

Ah yeah...we all like to think of ourselves as the main character/good guy/protagonist don't we? I realize it's fully possible I may actually be the bad guy/villain/antagonist without even realizing it. I may be so bad and evil down to the very bone, that I see all my "horrible" actions as perfectly acceptable and normal...who knows. But yeah, hero or villain, I'll CTB either way. Either die a hero, and live long enough to see myself become the villain. *shrugs*