Friends

[Nem]

Since becoming ill or just generally wanting to ctb, has anyone else lost a bunch of friends and contacts along the way?
Peace/hugs

 

[Lostandfound7]

Yes..I find myself always apologizing lately cuz I don't answer my phone or call/text any of my friends..it's such a chore for me to talk on the phone...I feel bad tho cuz I have some really good friends..

 

[nirvana]

I can totally relate as well :(. I have had many phases in my life where I totally isolated myself from the world and then my friends forgave me even though I had been so distant and I could function and put on a mask but then again depression hit me so hard , so i isolated myself again.. it is such a vicious circle. Also I isolate myself since I do not want them to feel guilty and also I feel ashamed of them since they are living a happy life. Right now I am at the point where I feel like I should not even contact them and burden them with my stuff since I am leaving anyway soon. I can only encourage everybody not to do that though and to honour and value your friends cause loneliness really sucks and the older you get the harder it can be to mar friends who know your story well enough to understand you.... on the other hand I also experienced things with so called friends that were quite toxic....sometimes it is better to be alone but if you have 1 or 2 good people in your life that you can trust and talk about certain things, that can help a lot. Even better than talking it would be to have somebody physical around of course and just to get a hug from time to time:( I wish you all to have that and not to give up on not having that. There are many lonely people out there and sometimes 2 lonely hearts find each other and build up a beautiful friendship or even more. As long as you still have a bit of hope in your life and can turn things around, it could be worth to give it a shot. I can also understand everybody though who feels to tired and to frustrated to mingle with others. It is hard to let somebody in your life and open up and then to loose that person again.. ( hug to all of you)

 

[OneLittleEmail]

Since I've started being self-destructive and has actively begun self-harming I've acquainted myself with the fact that most people are going to judge a suicidal one, disregard them if possible and consider them "stupid" - not in the literal sense, people are saying this more out of fear of death and depressive behavior overall. Nonetheless, it leads to very toxic situations where you get overly defensive, make up the stupidest shit ever, or just do stuff that makes you lock yourself up and never speak to anyone in this world anymore.

I've started to talk to my friends less, stopped answering their calls, telling them "I'm not ignoring you, I was really busy, sorry" because if I do tell them that my suicidal behavior is the root of problems in our communication then they may "dig up" into my feelings too much or, as the worst-case scenario, cut any ties with me indefinitely.

I love you all, hugs and kisses <3

 

[Dead beat dad]

Since becoming ill or just generally wanting to ctb, has anyone else lost a bunch of friends and contacts along the way?
Peace/hugs❤

In a nut; yup

 

[k75]

Yes..I find myself always apologizing lately cuz I don't answer my phone or call/text any of my friends..it's such a chore for me to talk on the phone...I feel bad tho cuz I have some really good friends..

Same here.

There is only one person I regularly am in touch with anymore, and that's only because he is persistent and stubborn and determined to make sure I'm still breathing. I can't get away with not responding.

It's not that I don't care or appreciate everyone, I just don't have the energy for anything anymore. Sometimes just a text feels impossible. Yet... I seem to be able to post here just fine. I guess it's because it's a different level of interaction.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Same here.

There is only one person I regularly am in touch with anymore, and that's only because he is persistent and stubborn and determined to make sure I'm still breathing. I can't get away with not responding.

It's not that I don't care or appreciate everyone, I just don't have the energy for anything anymore. Sometimes just a text feels impossible. Yet... I seem to be able to post here just fine. I guess it's because it's a different level of interaction.

Exactly! ..smdh

 

[one4all]

I have lost too many to count

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I have none to lose.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I have none to lose.

Well, u have us now

 

[one4all]

I have none to lose.

Strange to say. But you are lucky

 

[Nem]

I lost two friends instantly when I made a plan to end my life. My fiancé broke up with me the very next day, lesson learned for myself is never mention that you are suicidal...it causes huge problems that others can't even help with
Peace/hugs

 

[MachinaArcana]

I have health issues - both physical an mental, am currently out of a job, purposely moved to a rural area in another part of the country well over a year ago after my divorce, and have nobody left - except for my brother but we're not close - we speak on the phone maybe two or three times a year. Can't even remember when I last saw him... 2016?
Most of my friends turned away over the years. There are a few left that I have contact with, but that's online 99% of the time. I rarely see anyone anymore IRL. I broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago, really only with her best interest in mind. I am making preparations to ctb and would rather create some distance now while I still can.
The utter isolation I'm in doesn't even bother me all that much. At times, it feels almost surreal. As if I'm still alive, but don't exist anymore. A ghost.
Sometimes when I go shopping for groceries and have to ask the girl behind the counter to repeat something (I am hearing impaired) I realize those are the first words I have spoken to anyone in maybe three or four days. It would drive a lot of people nuts I guess, but I have kind of gotten used to it. I will hardly be missed when I ctb, and I find that a very comforting thought, actually.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

At first it weeded out the phony friends but after a while people just move on. I don't blame them or at least I know it would be unfair.

 

[SadHam]

Since becoming ill or just generally wanting to ctb, has anyone else lost a bunch of friends and contacts along the way?
Peace/hugs❤

Lost my partner. Which was a good move for her as I'm a loser and was just dragging her down. A lot of my friends support me but they have their own lives and cannot necessarily help. I dig my own hole though and genuinely look forward to a peaceful exit to relief the burden on them, my family and society as well as myself.

 

[Nowilltolive90]

I made the most precious person in my life hate me, they made my family and my friends hate me, my emotional support cat has even been taken away from me, I've had her since she was a tiny baby and when everyone else stopped caring she was always there and the fact that she needed me kept me going, I felt like I had purpose and she never left my side. Now she's been taken because this person truly wants me to suffer so I have nothing now. I'm happy I've found this place to keep me content until I go, I find it comforting being here having you all to talk to.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I have health issues - both physical an mental, am currently out of a job, purposely moved to a rural area in another part of the country well over a year ago after my divorce, and have nobody left - except for my brother but we're not close - we speak on the phone maybe two or three times a year. Can't even remember when I last saw him... 2016?
Most of my friends turned away over the years. There are a few left that I have contact with, but that's online 99% of the time. I rarely see anyone anymore IRL. I broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago, really only with her best interest in mind. I am making preparations to ctb and would rather create some distance now while I still can.
The utter isolation I'm in doesn't even bother me all that much. At times, it feels almost surreal. As if I'm still alive, but don't exist anymore. A ghost.
Sometimes when I go shopping for groceries and have to ask the girl behind the counter to repeat something (I am hearing impaired) I realize those are the first words I have spoken to anyone in maybe three or four days. It would drive a lot of people nuts I guess, but I have kind of gotten used to it. I will hardly be missed when I ctb, and I find that a very comforting thought, actually.

Wow...I'm happy ur here. u have us to "talk" to now..

 

[Ermitão]

Most of my friends have been suicidal themselves in some point. It's a small group, with those who still consider me their friend though my isolation periods and lack of zest for social interaction

 

[CyanideSoup]

Yes, all of them left. Even the ones who promised to stay by my side while I worked through it all. I don't blame them, I can't imagine being around somebody as miserable as I am is very fun. I just wish I had somebody to talk to. Even just a message every once in a while. Oh well.

 

[Anon2662]

Yes.. I've cut contact now with all but 4 friends (and two of those we maybe text 2/3 times a year..) I have my 2 best friends who I speak to but can't be that open with them. It's difficult being practically housebound because I can't just pop out to meet someone for a coffee etc. But I also find it's easier with having less relationships. Less pressure, less stress and less people to feel guilty about..

 

[Rome Horseman]

Since I've started being self-destructive and has actively begun self-harming I've acquainted myself with the fact that most people are going to judge a suicidal one, disregard them if possible and consider them "stupid" - not in the literal sense, people are saying this more out of fear of death and depressive behavior overall. Nonetheless, it leads to very toxic situations where you get overly defensive, make up the stupidest shit ever, or just do stuff that makes you lock yourself up and never speak to anyone in this world anymore.

I've started to talk to my friends less, stopped answering their calls, telling them "I'm not ignoring you, I was really busy, sorry" because if I do tell them that my suicidal behavior is the root of problems in our communication then they may "dig up" into my feelings too much or, as the worst-case scenario, cut any ties with me indefinitely.

I love you all, hugs and kisses <3

Interesting, I love that, nothing but respect


Love toad by the way, totally underated

 

[lotus11]

I have none to lose.

same

 

[enjoy]

i lost one of my closest friends recently and it totally sucked. we were bandmates and everything. things had already been getting dicey back in december but she's now made it very clear that she no longer cares for my company. i actually didn't know how she felt about me until my best friend told me. it was almost completely out of left field... something about not wanting to carry a burden or be partially responsible for my death if i ctb. yikes.

her not being friends with me anymore has produced some sort of butterfly effect. now one of my other friends doesn't really seem to like me anymore, either, and another close friend i'd introduced to my former close friend is super close with her and has also seemed to lose interest in me.

i wonder what she'd told people about me. i used to be super tight with all of them. then, after winter break, everything changed. weird shit.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Yup. I pretty much stopped contacting my friends and responding to their text. I reached a point where I could not be bothered hearing how great their lives are when I am miserable.