Venting Friends only check up on me to make sure im breathing

[rokonie]

the only interaction i get from friends (both irl and online) is them poking me every few months with a stick to see if im still alive. I get a typical "how are you doing" message which, obviously traps me into just replying "im fine" or "struggling a bit but i'm still trying" because ofc nobody actually messages someone how they're doing expecting a real answer. And then they just say "Hope you feel better" and that's the end of the conversation. Every single time with multiple people.
I'm not expecting them to listen to me vent because they dont rly vent to me, and i don't really want to because i don't want to drag them down, BUT AT LEAST I DONT PRETEND I CARE and drop fake ass "how are you doing" messages to ppl. I don't pretend im friends with someone withpout intending on actually investing energy for someone. Trying to socialize (esp online) has given me so much trust issues. Words like "im here for you" or "you mean a lot to me" are thrown around like nothing. People think as long as they send you a cat gif once in a while they've fulfilled their task as a supportive friend well it's not. I'd rather people straight up never talk to me instead of dangle the prospect of friendship in front of me, just out of reach. Just fuck off.

 

[Coconut blue]

yeah this is so relatable. most ppl don't really care about others, they just like the idea of themselves as a kind person

 

[rokonie]

right, it's like they did their part checking to see i still got a pulse and thought Well that's enough friend-ing for today. You're on your own pal
During one of my isolating phases a friend finally messaged asking if he did something wrong and i reassured that i wasnt personally ghosting him on purpose and that i've not spoken to anyone in a few months. He said he was relieved to hear that and that was that. Yeah no i dont consider him my friend.
It's also dumb how being alive but being absolutely miserable and lonely is acceptable but being dead and free from the pain isn't ok.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Yeah I know what you mean, the only person who knows I'm actively suicidal recently messaged me "Still alive?" after a few weeks of silence. I replied "Unfortunately, not for lack of trying" and then that was that, no follow-up. This person is not necessarily a friend so I guess it can be excused because of that, but I mean, still, what was even the point of sending that message if you weren't actually interested in how I was doing??? OP you said it best, I would've rathered receive no message at all than something as hurtful as that.

 

[Ash]

Yeah. I've got a lot of those. They're lovely people and it's always well meant but somehow it never goes beyond that. I sometimes feel like I live in some sort of mirror world where my absence is eventually noticed but my presence isn't.

 

[rokonie]

Yeah. I've got a lot of those. They're lovely people and it's always well meant but somehow it never goes beyond that. I sometimes feel like I live in some sort of mirror world where my absence is eventually noticed but my presence isn't.

right, I know they dont really mean to be fake, which is why it makes it even harder for me to open up and vent these things even if they did offer to listen. I can't vent to a friend basically telling them that i don't trust them and think theyre always lying to me.
I'm just tired that the closest thing i get to a friendship is online pfps occasionally asking if im still around. I've never had a long lasting fulfilling friendship, and i doubt that i'll ever know how it feels like.

 

[ASp4E]

People think as long as they send you a cat gif once in a while they've fulfilled their task as a supportive friend well it's not.

This made me laugh at how relatable it is with regard to certain people. My strategy converged on just responding with the same frequency with similarly low effort, and it seemed to be fine with them so I guess it's a win-win. Feels relieving putting equal effort in response, rather than more effort. And it's hard to convince someone to talk to you more if they just don't particularly want to, as attempts at increasing conversation have showed. But then again it isn't unlikely I may be a bad friend or not be skilled at friendships, so it could just be that in my case. Either way, I try to keep any persistent displays of negativity out of any new interactions. And that's a lot easier now that I'm on SaSu, since if I do have any urges to display negative emotions, I can just talk here.

 

[rokonie]

This made me laugh at how relatable it is with regard to certain people. My strategy converged on just responding with the same frequency with similarly low effort, and it seemed to be fine with them so I guess it's a win-win. Feels relieving putting equal effort in response, rather than more effort. And it's hard to convince someone to talk to you more if they just don't particularly want to, as attempts at increasing conversation have showed. But then again it isn't unlikely I may be a bad friend or not be skilled at friendships, so it could just be that in my case. Either way, I try to keep any persistent displays of negativity out of any new interactions. And that's a lot easier now that I'm on SaSu, since if I do have any urges to display negative emotions, I can just talk here.

I guess having to give the same half-hearted effort is what frustrates me and makes me just not want to talk to these people in the first place hahaa ^^; I want to make friends with ppl so bad but to only get quick responses and surface-level chitchat back upsets me too much. I dont like it when im only allowed to be positive around friends. Ofc i don't want to constantly vent and always be negative (that's why i made an account here too, so i can air out the heavier stuff) but it's a fact that these thoughts take up a lot of my brainspace and it's suffocating to have to mask it all the time! I know I can just vent privately but I want to be heard, doing it to the void doesn't help. I hope being on SaSu will help with that ;;

 

[ecliptic]

Same.

 

[ASp4E]

I guess having to give the same half-hearted effort is what frustrates me and makes me just not want to talk to these people in the first place hahaa ^^; I want to make friends with ppl so bad but to only get quick responses and surface-level chitchat back upsets me too much. I dont like it when im only allowed to be positive around friends. Ofc i don't want to constantly vent and always be negative (that's why i made an account here too, so i can air out the heavier stuff) but it's a fact that these thoughts take up a lot of my brainspace and it's suffocating to have to mask it all the time! I know I can just vent privately but I want to be heard, doing it to the void doesn't help. I hope being on SaSu will help with that ;;

That makes sense. I agree, keeping things secret and not being able to discuss things builds frustration. In my case, there have been quite a few times where I slipped up and said things I shouldn't have, I believe in large part because I didn't have anybody or anywhere else to share to. Maintaining a facade of positivity, and perhaps pretending to be someone that you aren't truly, can be rather draining. I hope SaSu does help you, and slightly off-topic, wish you luck with finding a friend (saw you posting here https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/make-a-friend-megathread.164418/page-2#post-2548682).

You seem like a person that would be interesting to talk to some more, I imagine and hope others share that opinion. But if hearing that is hurtful please let me know, and I apologize in advance.