friend following me after ctb

[SPlathsOven]

i worry that my best friend will follow me if i ctb. we've both "saved each other" from committing and have been each others reasons to live, so this is a legitimate worry. this is one of the biggest things stopping me, both her following me and that i won't have any more time left with her. i dont know. it's her birthday soon, so i don't feel comfortable dying near that date at all. i'm thinking about leaving her a lot of letters and videos but is that just going to sting every time she reads and watches them? i was planning on writing/recording one for her 18th bday, big milestones, etc; but i worry that'll just be a constant blight on happy days. and i feel selfish admitting this, but i really don't want her to forget me.

anyway, i kind of derailed there, but i do worry that she will follow suit if i ctb. and it would feel really selfish if i asked her not to in a suicide letter or something, you know?

 

[Redacted24]

I think yours is a valid concern, especially since you both mean a lot to each other. I believe it's called something like serial suicides where one can be traced to another in a trail. In my high school class we had four, and more attempts.
I guess the question is whether living for her sake is worth your own pain? Only you can decide when enough is enough.
And since you're both honest with other about these matters, could you talk with her and let her know you're struggling again? She would likely appreciate that you told her.
Just some thoughts...

 

[SVEN]

Ask yourself if her wanting you to live has made life worthwhile enough for you to forget ctb, or if you'd still choose that as your best option.
If you still seriously intend to ctb, if possible, why would she not also decide that it would be her own best option also. Ultimately the choice is hers, surely, rather than your responsibility.

 

[mortuarymary]

If this was me then I'd put it off. If you know definitely they will CTB after you then I wouldn't do it. Don't just disappear from their lives.