I honestly don't know. Free will exists to the extent that we feel like we have free will, but we will never know. For the past few years I have had the strangest feeling like I'm reliving my life. Certain events are really vivid and I get strong deja vu. I also get deja vu after an event happens I think back about it, I have the feeling that it happened before it happened if that makes sense. Maybe it's because I do kill myself, but I keep on being reborn into this life, and I will keep being reborn here until I live through it without taking my life. That is my biggest fear about offing myself. I could deal with hell, just not a neverending loop of this shitty life.