myhoney
they/them, Honey
- Mar 3, 2026
- 6
Hi yall,
I feel like this is the only place I ever feel 'safe' to post. Internet anonymity type stuff (definetly spelled that wrong, oops.) I constantly feel like Im about to ctb, but I never do it. Im always too tired or too scared of pain. I hate being like this, I also hate being so emotional. Irl Im incredibly fragile, stuff on the internet just makes me upset, and I cant handle most things, well Im kind of ok when it comes to people being mean to me specifically, but I cant handle stuff those sad videos people post of like the Billie Eilish 'what was i made for' alongside some movie clip. I cried at a fucking proposal from two strangers. But personal issues like a fight with a friend or something not going right just absolutely devastate me and make me want to ctb all over again. I dont understand how people live in this world without crying every single second of everyday. Im even crying as I write this (also yes, im rlly dehydrated all the time. my eyes hurt lololol). I try to be light hearted about it, like "Oh I just saw a sad video!" or "I thought about kittens too hard now Im crying oops!" but the truth is Im in so much emotional pain every single second of every day I cant even fathom not crying. the times when im 'resting' I just feel angry that I was crying over stupid shit, and then I cry out of frustration. I know its probably because Ive got a bunch of mental stuff going on, autism, bpd, what not, but I just hate being so weak. Its tiring.
Today my friend lectured me on something that I think they meant to be lighthearted, but I got upset and left the voice call after they heard me sniffling and asked if I was ok and I asked them to please stop talking. Im so pathetic. I feel like they just pity me and thats why theyre my friend. Theyve helped me with some stuff academically and I think maybe they feel like they ALWAYS have to help, which I hate. Shes so nice to me, and I think Im in love with her (im,,,ignoring it for now.)I dont know how to tell them how I feel without worrying them. I hate that people even know me or percieve me, let alone know how I feel. It just feels, scary. I hate being so weird and stupid. I want to be normal. Why isnt my medication making me normal why csnt i just be nroemal
gosh this was a long one. tldr im a stupid baby with dumb baby feelings lmao
I feel like this is the only place I ever feel 'safe' to post. Internet anonymity type stuff (definetly spelled that wrong, oops.) I constantly feel like Im about to ctb, but I never do it. Im always too tired or too scared of pain. I hate being like this, I also hate being so emotional. Irl Im incredibly fragile, stuff on the internet just makes me upset, and I cant handle most things, well Im kind of ok when it comes to people being mean to me specifically, but I cant handle stuff those sad videos people post of like the Billie Eilish 'what was i made for' alongside some movie clip. I cried at a fucking proposal from two strangers. But personal issues like a fight with a friend or something not going right just absolutely devastate me and make me want to ctb all over again. I dont understand how people live in this world without crying every single second of everyday. Im even crying as I write this (also yes, im rlly dehydrated all the time. my eyes hurt lololol). I try to be light hearted about it, like "Oh I just saw a sad video!" or "I thought about kittens too hard now Im crying oops!" but the truth is Im in so much emotional pain every single second of every day I cant even fathom not crying. the times when im 'resting' I just feel angry that I was crying over stupid shit, and then I cry out of frustration. I know its probably because Ive got a bunch of mental stuff going on, autism, bpd, what not, but I just hate being so weak. Its tiring.
Today my friend lectured me on something that I think they meant to be lighthearted, but I got upset and left the voice call after they heard me sniffling and asked if I was ok and I asked them to please stop talking. Im so pathetic. I feel like they just pity me and thats why theyre my friend. Theyve helped me with some stuff academically and I think maybe they feel like they ALWAYS have to help, which I hate. Shes so nice to me, and I think Im in love with her (im,,,ignoring it for now.)I dont know how to tell them how I feel without worrying them. I hate that people even know me or percieve me, let alone know how I feel. It just feels, scary. I hate being so weird and stupid. I want to be normal. Why isnt my medication making me normal why csnt i just be nroemal
gosh this was a long one. tldr im a stupid baby with dumb baby feelings lmao
