Venting FP is mad at me because my ex wants to be friends

[nopurposeinanything]

Recently my ex texted me that she wanted to get back with me (mentioned this before) and because of the state im in now I said no—but we're still friends. my FP (also mentioned before) is really scared I'll leave her for my ex. I told her im constantly fucking scared people will leave me so why would I do that? Im not a good person but I wouldn't do that. Anyway, she keeps wanting to see my conversation with my ex and just keeps getting mad at me. She said shes sick of me and sick of everything blah blah. I just dont get it. I should know exactly how she feels—i always feel how she does when she talks to her friends, but im too scared to be demanding like how she is. Why do I mess up every single relationship i have???

 

[wishingiwasok]

I think when we have our souls emptied out by all the horrible things we experience we get to a place where love just isn't enough. At least to me it feels like love is so inconsistent and conditional and im starving so much for it that I cant withstand the spans of time when I didn't earn it or it just isn't there because life is in the way. And then im not able to be the person that they fell in love with so they get mad and criticize and then when they try to be nice later I cant trust it and cant just go along with it. And every time it gets a little worse until they're done with me. Idk how we break the cycle, how we fill up enough to not piss off those around us. But maybe there is a way. Then she won't get mad and get tired and you will learn to trust she won't leave. I hope that can happen for you.