Discussion Forcing myself to socialize— What is your experience with social anxiety?

[catastrophix]

(This is a little vent-y in the beginning, but I get to the point eventually) Not really sure how to start this as I feel I'm coming across as weird, but I'm thinking of making a new Discord account so I have the ability to talk to some people on here (if they want to). To be completely honest, I have had absolutely horrific experiences on Discord, so that's why I want to make a new account. But I'm not sure if anyone on here would even want to talk? So I'm not sure if I should even bother making a new account.

Ugh. I'm definitely overthinking this, but I can't stop stressing out about being more social. I really do think talking to people would help me feel a lot better about my shitty situation, and I would want to be someone to help a person feel better about their situation as well. But socializing is just… so scary! I'm always hella paranoid and I have a social phobia— It's something I need to work on, and part of that is exposure, I suppose. So, for those of you who are like me and struggle with being social, I'd like to hear about your experience with social anxiety, if you're comfortable enough to share!

Apologies as IDK if any of this made sense, my brain is definitely not functioning properly today T-T

 

[guayabas]

I had social anxiety for most of my life. I can't even explain how I overcame it really. I wish I could, it would probably help a lot of ppl. But before I overcame it, I mostly went with fake it til you make it. Most ppl had no idea I had social anxiety. And I found that actually made it easier for me to cope with. Everyone's different though.

I also later in life got diagnosed with adhd, and since finding that out, a lot of things have made sense. I thought I was bad at socializing, but now most of my friends have adhd, and we communicate really easily without any awkwardness. we tend to have different socializing norms than the general population. so it could just be more about finding ppl on your same wavelength, and eventually learning to be ok with the fact that you're different than maybe most, but eventually you'll find your ppl, who get you and like you for you

learning some social scripts might help too. Like if there's certain topics or situations that routinely make you feel uncomfortable, having a plan for how to react. For example, I used to have a hard time with ppl complimenting me. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. And maybe this is obvious to most ppl lol, but I realized I could use this social script: thank you

lmao, there's actually a lot of things like that that used to give me anxiety. I hope you're able to find some cool, nice ppl who get you. it can take time though for ppl like us and that's ok <3

 

[mondaymornings]

Hey hey, person here who also suffers from some pretty intense anxiety- both general and social. Firstly I'm sorry this is something you have to experience, but it's cool that you're trying to overcome it via exposure! That's honestly something I've wanted to do, I just can't find the energy to do so lol.

Also I totally get the whole having a bad experience with discord thing.. I was a mod to this one server and. Yeah. Not good.
Stressing over being social is also something I do, like all the time. I feel like I'm constantly missing out on something important, it really sucks. But I can never do it properly!
I've since, pretty recently, discovered I may have autism, and I've already been diagnosed ADHD, and I don't think either of those things really help on a social front.

Uhh this is pretty much just me rambling and scrambling to show that I relate to your struggles, I didn't actually give you any help, sorry. Probably because I also need it LMAO.

 

[Xernarot]

I'm not sure if it's the same as for you, but I struggle a lot when it comes to social interactions with more than one or two people at the same time (a group setting) or talking in front of people in general. If it's people I really know and trust, then it becomes a little easier but not really if I'm going to be completely honest. I often don't know what to say, mainly because my mind goes into overdrive thinking about every single possible thing that could go wrong. Another reason why I don't like to talk infront of bigger groups is because I don't think I'm all that interesting as a person, and thus thinking that the words I speak aren't worth listening to. (I don't know if that last part made any sense, it's just what I feel)

Other than group settings, I'm really bad with small talk. I really do not enjoy it - at all haha. It feels like a waste of time in a weird way. However, If it's about a shared interest or an interesting topic of discussion then I'm all for it. My lack of interest for small talk has got me into so many awkward interactions with people, but I don't know, sometimes it's so cringe that it's just funny :)

As for exposure to socialising. I definitely think it helps. I forced myself to get into as many uncomfortable social interactions as I could during the latter years of high-school, and I went from barely being able to say "present" in class to being somewhat proficient at holding speeches for the class. It was still really difficult, don't get me wrong, but I at least managed to stand in front of my class and deliver my speech! :)
All about the small victories in life <3

In general though, I always try to stay as authentic to myself as I can and if the people I meet don't like it then I guess I just gotta move on until I find someone I can vibe with.

I really hope you have success with your exposure tactic, and if you need someone to "train" with so to speak - I'd be glad to help out if I can! :)

 

[GRIM_DEADMAN]

I also have trouble socializing, mostly in person but if it's through a voice call I'll only be anxious during the first few minutes until I get comfortable.
I think seeing people is what makes me uncomfortable, it's what makes going outside so hard, but I'm trying to go out more and force myself into social interactions so I can get better at that kind of stuff.

Discord has been a huge help for me, I went from having no friends to talking with a bunch of people and having fun.
Overall just putting yourself out there and trying to find people to talk to is already a big step!

If you want someone to talk to you can PM me if you want! I could even invite you to a discord server made by a couple of members from here.

 

[kiki <3]

social interactions are antagonizing but only at the very beginning - thankfully it doesn't take me a lot to get used to someone's presence and energy. i was diagnosed with adhd a while ago which does impact my way around people a lot but i try my hardest to expose myself to socialization despite being very insecure about talking with my hands, struggling to maintain eye contact, often not knowing what to say etc. talking to people online is easier but i definitely struggle with that too. that's why, among many other reasons, i made this account today, to battle that and eventually meet some cool people and even friend them

you can message me btw! ^_^ much love

 

[Yakamoz]

Going out, no matter what, could be going to the movie theater alone, or a cappuccino at a cafe, is always a good idea. Makes you feel alive.

 

[just_erika]

It's so hard. I usually do ok when meeting people. but it's so hard when I am depressed, even though I know it would make me feel better. also open yourself up to the disappointment and hurt of beeing stood up or ghosted eventually

 

[bluefeather177]

Social anxiety is so brutal. I had extremely high social anxiety as a teen. I once got invited to a football game then panicked and left immediately because I couldn't get to the bleachers my friend was sitting at without pushing or asking people to move. I still have my moments now in my twenties but I am usually pretty ok now. For me I think it was a combo of "fake it til you make it" and being forced to talk to people in food service. I worked at a place that emphasized trying to make real connections with people. Making other people happy genuinely also makes me happy so I slowly tried to branch out from my usual "script" with friendlier people. It just gets easier over time like any other skill that can be practiced. I also realized that most people you meet either don't care or are stressed out about themselves instead. The people that are judgy are assholes and not worth your time :)

 

[Mirrory Me]

You are triggered by this because you feel unsafe in those situations. It might have being because bad past experiences- being abandoned, bullied, ect. If you can gradually show yourself that you are safe with people, your anxiety will eventually go away- it's only there to protect you from "danger".

 

[Flores de Abril]

Actually I was about to post about the same thing right now
I have been noticing that since I have a huge fallout with a close friend (or that least she used to be) I have been much more socially anxious. I can't stand anymore the mere sound of other people in the corridor when i am at uni and avoiding crowds at all costs, it has been way more difficult for me to socialize with people i am not used to and I have been way more stressed than I should when I make a mistake or have to ask someone about something because i am afraid to look dumb.
Dealing usually comes about facing your fear in small dosages, just jumping into a crowd will make thing really hard and its best to tackle this with people you trust and taking baby steps.

 

[Blue_mist]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety first year in university and I am turning 40 in a couple of months. Social anxiety has literally destroyed my life and I have tried meds, exposure and nothing worked for me and i gave up trying many years ago . I don't want my situation to improve since giving myself hopes and expectations that eventually fail every time is more agonizing than my condition itself . Thankfully i work afterhours as a cleaner so i don't have to interact with people

 

[stoopid]

It ruined my life.

 

[redbathingduck]

I really relate to the things you're saying. I've 'kinda' given up on it myself to be honest but I think it's brave that you want to try and get better through exposure. I would recommend to just try talking 1 on 1 to people on Discord at first and to not bother joining (larger) servers, cause at least in my experience that makes it even harder to socialize. I have some online friends left that I have known for 7-8 years now and those are pretty much the only people I really socialize with, and even then not much. I have tried talking to and making new friends with people but it's hard and I'm really scared of getting 'abandoned'. Maintaining connections is also really hard for me because I often have periods (days, weeks, etc) where I don't really respond or socialize at all because I don't have it in me sometimes but yeah obviously people aren't gonna be understanding of that all the time even when I try to explain why, and I can't really blame them I guess.

If you want I wouldn't mind talking to you on Discord, feel free to DM about whatever too. If not that's fine too of course

 

[Mirrory Me]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety first year in university and I am turning 40 in a couple of months. Social anxiety has literally destroyed my life and I have tried meds, exposure and nothing worked for me and i gave up trying many years ago . I don't want my situation to improve since giving myself hopes and expectations that eventually fail every time is more agonizing than my condition itself . Thankfully i work afterhours as a cleaner so i don't have to interact with people

You don't want to expect much from yourself because you probably fear and judge yourself a lot. You can decide to not take your self-blame personally- know that you have worthy in any case.

 

[Blue_mist]

You don't want to expect much from yourself because you probably fear and judge yourself a lot. You can decide to not take your self-blame personally- know that you have worthy in any case.

Ok

 

[warmsand]

i feel super guilty for having social anxiety. a lot of outside influences - social media, television, even my own mother, have spouted the idea that anxiety isn't real and you just have to "get over it" or you're weak, so i've pretty much internalized it. i tell myself, "this is a disorder and i need help to overcome it" only for it to quickly turn into "i'm weak, i need to just get over it and stop being a baby." doesn't help when no one around me seems to suffer from it, either.

a lot of my life has been spent wondering what's wrong with me. having social anxiety has only worsened it, not only can i not interact the way my peers do, but i'm also incredibly self conscious about it because of the anxiety :)