Partial hanging I was at peace the whole time. It wasn't until I had passed out and woken up standing about 7 times and developed and extreme headache, could no longer feel my legs, and could feel every pounding heart beat that I started to get worried. I tried to pass out one last time but the pain in my head and neck was so severe that I couldn't, so I called for help.
Hypothermia/drowning in a river in the middle of winter, I was very confident and calm in my decision. As soon as I entered the water and swam out to the dam and reached the point of no return I realized I didn't want to die anymore but knew it was too late. I didn't panic if I recall (though this was years ago and I didn't write down anything to remember it by) but just accepted my fate. I looked up at the perfectly blue sky, told myself that would be my last time seeing it, and let the current pull me over. I didn't end up drowning from the current as expected, so I laid at the bottom of the dam in the cold water for awhile waiting for the hypothermia to set in. Eventually I decided I didn't want to continue waiting and wasn't feeling very suicidal anymore so I got up and walked to help.
SN I was confident and calm leading up to it. I began to panic as symptoms set in, I hadn't taken any benzos or anything to calm the anxiety. For some reason I started to think it wasn't going to kill me. Then I called for help despite wanting to die still because I guess in my hypoxic stupor I didn't think it was going to work.
I had an impulsive attempt a few weeks ago. I was pretty calm. I had moments of anxiety but overall I've reached a point where I'm just ready to let go. I never once thought of calling for help, which has been the downfall of every attempt to date.
As I lead up to my attempt in less than a week I alternate between calm and collected and terrified it won't work. I don't anticipate an urge to call for help, as I never had one a few weeks ago. I think that will be a major factor in what will allow me to succeed this time. Every other attempt I have called for help in the end. Had I not called I likely would have died with all 3 of my first attempts. It has always been some sort of thing in my head convincing me it won't work and that it's best to call, but now my mindset is if it doesn't work then I'll sleep it off. I don't fear damage to my body like I used to, if I get fucked up I get fucked up.