Discussion For the people who have questioned their gender...

[CFLoser]

Did you ever 'reached a conclusion' about it?

If you are comfortable, I would like to hear about internally how you questioned yourself and your gender identity.

Hopefully from both people who concluded they were their assigned gender and people who concluded they weren't their assigned gender.

 

[TheblueBunny]

Hello!
I've questioned my gender, I've also mentioned it on another post I think.
I'm a trans guy, so I've concluded that I'm not my assigned gender (which btw, has made life a lot harder).
Feel free to message me, or not. It's up to you

 

[Lethe]

I'm trans female. I came to this conclusion because I hate my male features, don't like living as a male, etc. As far as the DSM is concerned, that's enough to call oneself trans.

 

[Pony]

I had dressed like a girl for years before getting drunk for the first time and crying about how much I wanted to be a girl and that was kind of how I knew

 

[noaccount]

I concluded that my gender was my position within a social system, nothing more, nothing 'about me' - So, I concluded that I 'am my assigned gender,' but fighting for a society in which I would not be - a society where that wouldn't mean anything. (Like I 'am a worker', in revolt against work.) Where qualities like strength, intellect, beauty, and caregiving are just treated as human traits that all humans - all animals! - can embody. Whether I feel I need to change my body physically - at this point I'm leaning towards 'not really.' I read 'The Straight Mind' and it was like finding an oasis.

 

[kkatt]

I've always been a rubbish girl. Never worn make up or dresses. Never owned a handbag or painted nails.
We used to say we were androgynous.
Now we just say non binary

 

[Madame Psychosis]

I've concluded I'm a trans woman after about four years of hardcore repressing it.

Gender dysphoria didn't hit me like a truck like it does some others in the trans community. I hated my body since childhood but didn't start longing for more feminine characteristics until my junior/senior year of high school. I never told my parents "I'm really a girl" as a kid or preferred dolls over trucks. But the signs were there – relating more to my female friends than my male friends, feeling like I was "different" in some sort of deeply foundational way.

The "aha" moment came when I started picturing myself in a woman in daydreams. When I asked, "Where do I see myself in five years, other than dead?" my "mental avatar" would always look like a female version of my current self. Inserting a male body in its place just felt deeply wrong.

 

[Escargot Shorts]

as a kid, i knew what kind of characters on television i related to or wanted to emulate, but also understood on some level that other people didn't like that, especially by my family -- being asian, behaving outside of those expectations was something to be shamed for then corrected. so there was a lot of dissonance there which continued well into college.

so i think i've always been in a state of flux between my sexual identity and my gender identity and honestly i think i'm still kinda figuring that out, although, i don't give it too much thought either. a lot of my friends, even the ones in high school i was afraid to come out to due to its social dangers, are accepting even if i don't get the sense that it's understanding, however.

but overall, few things feel affirming in any of those identities. a lot of hurt and unworthiness still stems from feeling like i'm not welcomed or deserving in any of those, which is definitely on me but yea. i don't say this to be a total bummer, but i rarely let any of this chronic dysphoria out tbh

 

[GreenDagny]

I think there are people who are not actually transgender but just hate themselves so much they try to run from whatever they are currently, or have had traumas and abuse, or just want something to oppose their oppressive situations (also whatever the hell Trisha Paytas has going on in her head idk, i wonder if she would detransition or be happy for the rest of her life?). And then there are people who are genuinly transgender. No one else have any idea how to find out, that takes a lot of introspection and most of all honesty with onesself that only the person going through it could know, but there are probably gender therapists out there who could help. I realised I just hate myself and was trying to run away somehow, have a protective figure other than the one i am now.

 

[Final Escape]

I had some issues with my gender as a young girl but outgrew it once I hit puberty.

 

[Escargot Shorts]

I think there are people who are not actually transgender but just hate themselves so much they try to run from whatever they are currently, or have had traumas and abuse, or just want something to oppose their oppressive situations (also whatever the hell Trisha Paytas has going on in her head idk, i wonder if she would detransition or be happy for the rest of her life?). And then there are people who are genuinly transgender. No one else have any idea how to find out, that takes a lot of introspection and most of all honesty with onesself that only the person going through it could know, but there are probably gender therapists out there who could help. I realised I just hate myself and was trying to run away somehow, have a protective figure other than the one i am now.

oh gosh, the Trisha thing is. A whole lot of discourse.
But yea, hot take but one i do agree with is worth examining. i think a personal freedom to explore our identities should extend into how we wish to interact w/ the world by way of gender. i think the phrase 'genuinely transgender' is dicey and easy to weaponize (not that i'm saying this is what's happening here) as i'm not into exploring what measurements can be applied to concepts. that being said, i think the idea of transgender self-love and compassion in terms of the body is very complicated. can one accept and appreciate their body even as they strive to change it or is this a type of conditional love that can wind up being very damaging (as a common difficult experience is the Problem of Passing, both to society and to self, both projected and received) unless one has a grounded sense of self in their body as is. I know people who look at how they presented themselves or early explorations and a lot of times, there's a lot of mocking, eye rolling or (in some cases) disgust. And it makes me sad. Granted, I'm not that person and can't know every complex thought going on in their mind, but it does always feel like a protective performance -- teasing the younger self to either beat everyone else to the punch or as self-confirmation that they're happier now. The latter, of course, only presents new difficulties or the same difficulties but at new angles. And it could seem that pushing the narrative of how miserable one was before magnifies 'how much better my life is now.' I could see it as being 'on the other side of things,' and relishing in the type of power of self-bullying in a more comfortable position. idk. there's just a lot to it, and a lot of this is only anecdotal in terms of how i perceive others and myself as we navigated these things. ooh whee, didn't mean to tangent like this on your post, but here we are.

i guess i just meant to agree with you; i do know some people who look at transitioning physically as an endgoal of bodily perfection and a gateway into all their wants/needs fulfilled in the truest sense. however, i too have fallen into this thought pattern, and look at it with a lot of skepticism and pity. This sort of thing only fixes the problems you can see, and only applies a different contour to other types of pain. Yes, I can believe that alleviating dysphoria can serve as a balm, but only when used in conjunction to addressing other areas in need of healing and change.

 

[Lethe]

I think there are people who are not actually transgender but just hate themselves so much they try to run from whatever they are currently, or have had traumas and abuse, or just want something to oppose their oppressive situations (also whatever the hell Trisha Paytas has going on in her head idk, i wonder if she would detransition or be happy for the rest of her life?). And then there are people who are genuinly transgender. No one else have any idea how to find out, that takes a lot of introspection and most of all honesty with onesself that only the person going through it could know, but there are probably gender therapists out there who could help. I realised I just hate myself and was trying to run away somehow, have a protective figure other than the one i am now.

I've considered the possibility that part of my trans-ness was brought about from my hatred of males, considering that all the men in my early life were assholes and mistreated me. And the desire to remove that aspect from myself, separate myself from male-ness etc. So I understand what you mean a bit.

 

[Escargot Shorts]

I've considered the possibility that part of my trans-ness was brought about from my hatred of males, considering that all the men in my early life were assholes and mistreated me. And the desire to remove that aspect from myself, separate myself from male-ness etc. So I understand what you mean a bit.

if i may, can i ask where you are now with recognizing the commonality of those who mistreated you and that aspect of yourself?

it's really hard to phrase it, but essentially, i had a friend who explored being female for a while, but decided against it, because they didn't want to get 'lumped in with truscum' which. i side-eyed ever since but hadn't been confrontational about. i suppose it's like, yes, we all have our reasons, and will have as many as we need. but there are always some that i see in myself and am like 'okay maybe i should examine this one a little more critically'

if anything, it wasn't even that they recognized people who they didn't agree with. but rather 'i don't want to be perceived as one of those people' that really bothered me.

 

[Lethe]

if i may, can i ask where you are now with recognizing the commonality of those who mistreated you and that aspect of yourself?

it's really hard to phrase it, but essentially, i had a friend who explored being female for a while, but decided against it, because they didn't want to get 'lumped in with truscum' which. i side-eyed ever since but hadn't been confrontational about. i suppose it's like, yes, we all have our reasons, and will have as many as we need. but there are always some that i see in myself and am like 'okay maybe i should examine this one a little more critically'

if anything, it wasn't even that they repecognized people who they didn't agree with. but rather 'i don't want to be perceived as one of those people' that really bothered me.

"Commonality of those that mistreated" me? I don't know what you mean by that. And I've heard the term 'truscum' but I have no idea what it means. I just tune out when I hear meaningless buzzwords like that; I don't participate in the 'social justice' circus. I really don't care how people perceive me, I just hope to feel comfortable in my own skin one day.

 

[Escargot Shorts]

"Commonality of those that mistreated" me? I don't know what you mean by that. And I've heard the term 'truscum' but I have no idea what it means. I just tune out when I hear meaningless buzzwords like that; I don't participate in the 'social justice' circus. I really don't care how people perceive me, I just hope to feel comfortable in my own skin one day.

is the desire to remove yrself from male-ness due to those men in early life still a thing?

 

[Lethe]

is the desire to remove yrself from male-ness due to those men in early life still a thing?

It's not really an overt thing, I was merely speculating that it might've affected my subconscious in some way, or what-have-you. But yes, I don't want to be associated with a male in any way. Mainly though, I don't like the male features, the facial hair, musculature, etc etc.