For the neurodivergent people here

[kmycluisfe]

Hi,

I'm writing this message to ask if your neurodivergent condition is the reason why you want to ctb?

Personally, I'm not officially neurodivergent, but I've had doubts for a long time. Recently, I met a girl who has been formally diagnosed as autistic, and she told me several times that I should consider getting a neuropsychological assessment because I seem to be struggling and show quite a few autistic traits

Next year, I plan to get a neuropsychological evaluation, but in the meantime, I'd love to hear your story. How does it affect your life?

Thank you

 

[nothingbutafailure]

I begrudgingly accept that I am as neurodivergent as they come.

It's not the full reason but it's a significant factor. I am not relatable. I see the world and think in unusual ways. I impress and intimidate people with my complexity.

It's a net negative affair and I've lived a mostly miserable life.

 

[Archness]

100% . It difficult to put into words everything, right here. But I can say that I effectively can't connect with people & there just isn't a place for me in this world. I see everything differently and perceive things differently so that makes things frustrating and difficult to see eye-to-eye with people. Also normal communication difficulties, ya. I'm like an alien, and others can only treat me like a child, act like they're "Helping", or "Pay Pretend". What bullshit.

 

[MinrathousGallus]

It is one of my reason.

I had undiagnosed ADHD for years, and it ruined my life. My school's grades are below averages, i wasted soo many opportunities, I can't finish college and eventually quit it. And when I finally got diagnosed, I get no support from my family or friends, no one wanted to help or understand me except meds, doctor and therapist. I've been fighting it alone for years and I don't think I can hold it anymore.

On top of that with several other reasons, it's enough for me to plan ctb. For one moment though, I thought it's just my impulsivity from adhd. But I don't think it is- because my Ideation have been running longer than it should be, and I've been committed to it for months now.

 

[suicidaltransgirl]

I don't think being neurodivergent makes me suicidal. But growing up and having it literally beat out of me to the point where I became a masking master does.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I love my autism.

I hate what people did to me because of it.

I was put through ABA (a type of autism conversion therapy), I was taken advantage of, bullied (by kids but also adults), abused (physically, mentally, sexually), and now because of my autism-caused tendency to dissociate, I have CPTSD, (H)C-DID, BPD with high narc traits, severe Maladaptive Daydreaming, and multiple physical disorders likely made worse by not taking care of myself.

I was high masking, but I lost almost all of it when I developed PANS/PANDAS. Yet... I still can't let go of it. I feel the urge to mask even though I barely can. It's worse than masking. I hope one day I'll feel comfortable enough to share my true self with someone.

So, yeah. In a way autism has contributed to my suicidality. But not LITERALLY...

 

[legoshi]

I always thought of myself as shy and awkward but normal. But after being here and hearing from people I'm reconsidering things. And a friend of mine whose aunt works with special needs individuals asked him if I have autism. I was like WTF no she is bugging. But I'm starting to think my inability to connect with people or communicate with people might be more than just some quirks about me.

So to answer your question, yes. My inability to make connections with other people or talk to other people makes it really hard for me. I'm all alone and feel out of place everywhere I go. Oh and I hate myself.

 

[kmycluisfe]

100% . It difficult to put into words everything, right here. But I can say that I effectively can't connect with people & there just isn't a place for me in this world. I see everything differently and perceive things differently so that makes things frustrating and difficult to see eye-to-eye with people. Also normal communication difficulties, ya. I'm like an alien, and others can only treat me like a child, act like they're "Helping", or "Pay Pretend". What bullshit.

Than you for your reply and all the reply btw thanks y'all

I can see myself in some of what you said, but I don't know if on my side I just have social anxiety or if it's autism. It makes social interaction difficult, just asking for simple things or speaking to people. I feel like I fucked up my school choice because I couldn't say no to my parents, and my current uni is making me depressed.
Right now, I have to live with other people, and I've never been so stressed and angry for a while. I don't have any intimacy, I can't do anything; they make so much noise. Noise is so hard to live with. I'm always with headphones or earbuds and music to not hear their constant noise. And I can't do shit. It's been 3 months, taking everything on me. I don't speak to them, with a sheet, some sort of tent to hide my bed and PC.

I always thought of myself as shy and awkward but normal. But after being here and hearing from people I'm reconsidering things. And a friend of mine whose aunt works with special needs individuals asked him if I have autism. I was like WTF no she is bugging. But I'm starting to think my inability to connect with people or communicate with people might be more than just some quirks about me.

So to answer your question, yes. My inability to make connections with other people or talk to other people makes it really hard for me. I'm all alone and feel out of place everywhere I go. Oh and I hate myself.

Thanks
I relate to this very much. From most people's point of view, I'm just a shy, introverted, chill guy.

Not being able to connect with other people isn't really a problem for me cuz I'm not interested in making new friends or anything. But not being able to speak my thoughts and just keeping everything to myself is hard. I can't say anything to my parents or my friends. Speaking feels so scary and hard. I feel like I've missed so many opportunities. My life would be so much better if I had just said "no" to my parents one single time. But I couldn't, and now I'm stuck with a shitty school, insane bank credit, and nothing good.

I don't want this life.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm autistic and have ADHD, plus bipolar. Being neurodivergent has been a mixed bag for me, it gave me some significant strenghts along with some pretty severe challenges. The problems are definitely a big factor in what makes me want to ctb.

Autism has made it almost impossible to make and keep friends. I could interact allright with people when I was in school and at work, but socializing more generally just never came naturally to me. I've had a few friends over the years, but really only my wife was every particularly close to me, and now even that relationship is broken as well. It's hard when the whole world expects you to have certain instincts around other people, like laughing at dumb jokes or knowing what questions to ask/not ask in order to keep the conversation flowing. I was never able to build the support network I needed, that's probably been the biggest setback of all in my life.

On the flip side, autism gave me ability to have insights and perspectives that neurotypical people appreciated, and I had a very solid career until bipolar threw me off track. My tendency to get fixated and hyperfocus on my interests helped me do great at school and work, once I figured out how to align my studies with my eccentric personality traits.

ADHD can be pretty painful, too. I wish I could focus on demand, but no matter how hard I try it's not happening. Meds help alot with that, though, and I've found it easier to compensate for the downsides of ADHD. The effects of impulsivity and executive function deficits have caused a lot of issues in my life, I wish I would have known earlier about ADHD so I would have done many things differently.

Society seems to be a lot more understanding and tolerant of ADHD compared to autism. I feel like it's a positive sign that more and more people are aware of autism and nerodivergence more broadly, but when it comes to actual concrete things that help in daily life I've been sorely disappointed.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I want to die as I find existing undesirable, I'd always prefer to peacefully not exist than suffer for the sake of it in this existence I never would have wished for just to be tormented by old age, to me human existence just feels like such a terrible, tragic mistake, I'll always see existence itself as the true problem no matter what, I just don't wish to be conscious at all and never would do.

 

[Red Moon]

Yeah, I'm Autistic/Asperger that's one of the reasons, I just can't connect with people properly and my social ability is diminished, that's a critical fundamental aspect of the human experience and when you can't do that properly then that's a big reason why I'm wanting to catch the bus and why I don't feel like I belong here.

People probably think that I'm different and well I just don't fit into society really.

 

[TAW122]

I'm on the spectrum myself, and I would say that the disorder certainly plays a role in my wanting to CTB and while it did offer some advantages for me, I don't see myself ever getting over it. Then again, philosophically I still view death on my own terms and sooner than later (not waiting for old age or infirmity and disease) is still in my best interests.