Help For the first time

[YandereMikuMistress]

I feel so shamful for feeling the way i constantly do,
since For the first time I have people in my life who care for me,
not that I didn't necessarily have that before just now it's much more prominent,
not sure if I'm even using that word correctly but I just think that i dont have the right to feel this way when somone makes it so clearly known they care for me,,
but I can't seem to feel any better,,
I thought,,
that'd be the answer,,
I've become so comfortable with this feeling that it's an unimaginable idea to be without it.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I can relate.

I can't ever remotely imagine what it's like to be sound of mind. The person I am today has been moulded through declining mental health, which has been the case for over half of my life. Would I have developed the same interests, had the same morals, or tried to do the right things? It's like how they say becoming rich changes people. Would being mentally well change me?

 

[StaticCryBabye]

You're feeling shameful for feeling this way? Don't be so hard on yourself. You got people who care about you, and that's great, but it doesn't mean you're magically supposed to feel amazing all the time. Emotions don't work like flipping a switch. It's alright to struggle even with caring people around you. So what if you're comfortable with this feeling? It's familiar, and sometimes it takes a while to let go. Give yourself permission to feel, even if it's not rainbows and sunshine.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I can relate.

I can't ever remotely imagine what it's like to be sound of mind. The person I am today has been moulded through declining mental health, which has been the case for over half of my life. Would I have developed the same interests, had the same morals, or tried to do the right things? It's like how they say becoming rich changes people. Would being mentally well change me?

Exactly! It is nice to know others relate, I know it's strange but I can't picture myself being mentally well or being "happy" for a matter of fact, an when I decide to think about What it'd be like, for some reason I can't seem to like the idea of it,, shouldn't those things make me happy to imagine,, am I not doing it right, why can't I be happy,,,
ahhh hahaha,
anyhow sorry about gettin all dark there!

You're feeling shameful for feeling this way? Don't be so hard on yourself. You got people who care about you, and that's great, but it doesn't mean you're magically supposed to feel amazing all the time. Emotions don't work like flipping a switch. It's alright to struggle even with caring people around you. So what if you're comfortable with this feeling? It's familiar, and sometimes it takes a while to let go. Give yourself permission to feel, even if it's not rainbows and sunshine.

I appreciate this allot so thank you,,
Mabye I should explain that to them, because I get the sense from how they change if I'm not all enthusiastic that they just expect me to be "happy" orr whatever
it is they want me to be but unhappy if that makes sense, one thing I keep on hearing more then usual is
"why do you have to be like this"

Or

"Don't be like this"

I'm rambling ill stop,
but again I very much appreciate The input

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that wanting to die makes a lot of sense in this cruel, nightmarish world, it's a perfectly valid way to feel, I don't think that one should feel ashamed for it.