For how long have you been feeling suicidal?

[DivineSpark]

I have been struggling for decade.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

Had my first suicidal thoughts when I was about 10 and I'm 24, a few months off being 25, now. I've had suicidal ideation during that whole period, though the intensity and 'seriousness' of it has varied significantly over time from just passing thoughts to attempts.

 

[Namelesa]

Starting being suicidal at age 13 mostly cus of school. I got a bit better at 16 when covid happened and started transition and that school ended and was in college which was okayish but got worse again when I went into my first relationship ended which broke me cus I had little friends before her so everything then feel empty without human connection. Got less suicidal at 18 cus went into another relationship but it was too unstable and intense cus of our mental problems so that ended as well and now I am back to being really suicidal again. I am 19 now.

 

[Darkover]

i've been suicidal for 20 years after breaking up with my one and only girlfriend at the age of 18 now 38

 

[cme-dme]

It probably started around when I was 10 so, 10 years. It's varied in intensity over the years with the two most intense times being when I broke up with my girlfriend in 2021 and the second time being right now due to a variety of reasons.

 

[sadalways]

For about 10 or 11 years... i don't even remember. It all started when i realized that i can't be normal like other people, then i started feeling lonely, seeing others have fun and spend time with friends while i did nothing but go home after school and just play video games alone in my room. Now i'm in my 20s, missed out on pretty much everything fun and i know i'll keep missing out due to anxiety that nothing seems to fix, and it crushes me at the end of the day. Sometimes i have phases where i'm like "Oh well i don't have to compare myself to others" but that lasts very shortly, mostly when i find something to occupy myself with, but then i'm back to bad thoughts.

 

[NonEssential]

First started when I was 12 thanks to school bullying. Then later 15 when I felt really lonely and worthless. I still do, but now I also feel terrible despair regarding my future. So to answer the question I've been suicidal for at least a decade.

 

[DivineSpark]

First started when I was 12 thanks to school bullying. Then later 15 when I felt really lonely and worthless. I still do, but now I also feel terrible despair regarding my future. So to answer the question I've been suicidal for at least a decade.

Sucks right, my situation seems to get worse every year. So much about hope of better future.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

First ideation at 17-18. On and off throughout my 20s, usually worse in the mornings. Mental breakdown at 30 and have been extremely suicidal since. Trying to keep going for grandparents but I'm tired.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

It was only within the last year that I've moved into being actively suicidal. However, I've known I'll CTB for years and years and years - used to doodle ways to kms in fourth grade and it's just been something I've known and lived with since.

 

[Confusedsoul12345]

Exactly 50 days.Life situation were never Ideal for me but somewhere I had accepted my circumstances which kept me happy despite thought circumstances and day dreaming( even though it was delusional) about better future is what kept me going.I always concentrated on what I have and not what I don't have which me alive.Even though I always wanted to die was never actively suicidal.Until the thing happened to me


Before that I had faith in God.I always found hope in God that despite all the hurdles God created in my life he will never let such thing happened to me ( what has

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

12, and i'll be this way forever. i'm grateful i'm leaving now.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Exactly 50 days.Life situation were never Ideal for me but somewhere I had accepted my circumstances which kept me happy despite thought circumstances and day dreaming( even though it was delusional) about better future is what kept me going.I always concentrated on what I have and not what I don't have which me alive.Even though I always wanted to die was never actively suicidal.Until the thing happened to me


Before that I had faith in God.I always found hope in God that despite all the hurdles God created in my life he will never let such thing happened to me ( what has

I'm sorry for your trauma.

 

[ButterToast]

I have been struggling for decade.

its always ON and OFF for me, but it started since like 3rd grade elementary, im about to graduate uni now, always the same feeling over and over that i wonder if one day i'd actually ctb

 

[DarkestSoul]

On and off for like 18 years now.
But for the past 16-18 months it's been worst.
Already got my SN.
now it's time to be free of this world and existence.
Ctb soon

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wished to not exist and it's all I could ever hope for, for me non-existence is all I see as desirable, it's all I see as positive, I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer all for the sake of it in this existence just to die in agony from old age, I really was never meant for the futile, torturous burden of human existence and I see existence as an abomination. Non-existence for me is the only peace and ceasing to exist is the way for me to find safety from suffering as after all there are no disadvantages to being permanently unconscious for all eternity, there is no suffering in the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep, I was never meant for the cruelty and suffering of existing, to me existence just feels like a mistake that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for, I'll always see existence itself as the true problem.

 

[quietism]

My first attempt was when I was 6, according to FOI records. But I don't remember any of my childhood, in part because of very extreme bullying. I think the longest gap where I haven't felt suicidal since then is about 3-6 months when I started my phd and I had someone personal to care about. I'd say it's how I've felt for 80-90% of my life that I can remember.

 

[divinemistress36]

23 years

 

[seasonsdied]

10 years of cycles of "I don't wanna wake up tomorrow" and "that building seems high enough/let's traumatise a trucker" :)

 

[llawlietswife]

Like 11 but it's on and off i think something to do with bpd + adhd. if i can diagnosed and get treatment i might stay

 

[Languish]

For as long as I could remember.

 

[ramon]

Since late 2022.

A gradual yet hurtful chain of events between August and September in which I realized I would never become financially independent, would never become a successful artist, would never make up for the goals I didn't reach at younger stages of my life, would never get painful past memories to leave me alone, and would never be able to "defeat" future dementia (runs in the family); and... BOOM!!!... I hit some kind of threshold that lead to mental breakdown and once I thought of the idea of CTB, I felt the PEACE I'd had not felt for ages...

Thanks for letting me share this, now, can somebody here tell where the bus stop is?

Edit: Ok, I forgot to mention I also felt suicidal when I was like 7 years old and when I was in college, but those events where not that solid.

 

[lawlietsph]

for 16 years. in these 16 years, there was never a day when I did not think about hanging myself

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Since 2-3 yrs old.

 

[Baron Crappylife]

Off and on with varying degrees of intensity for about 30 years or so

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

Idk avout 4 months now but it's like a hop on hop off bus