For Autistics: Did/do you experience trauma over demands for eye contact?

[not_a_robot]

My childhood was hell for many reasons, but one huge one was having everybody, including strangers, constantly demanding eye contact with me. I've been bullied about it my entire life. As I got older it became sexualized, as in "Let me see those pretty eyes!" It made me want to claw my fucking eyes out every time back then and it still does.
I'm 45 and people *still* do it to me, teachers especially when I take classes (I quit college for this reason).
Anyone who deludes themself that they are an "authority figure" demands eye contact as part of their bullshit power-trip.

If any autistics have a good cope for this, I'm all ears. Because my eyes are off-limits.

 

[inconsequential]

YES YES YES holy shit. I hate eye contact. It doesn't help that I am both autistic AND cannot hear out of one ear— I stare at the mouth. Yanno, so I can hear, and because it's less awkward.

No more than two years ago did someone pull that, "no, no, look me in the eyes. It shows we can trust each other," while hugging me to death (I did not want this hug) and overstimulating me with touch and sound.

There are baby photos of me sobbing and pulling away from humans. Mom said I was a really quiet baby, until someone looked me in the eyes. Then I screamed my damn head off.

 

[been_there]

Fuck em

 

[Codieb1]

Not autistic but I didn't know this was a thing other people got traumatized over. Yes, eye contact scares the shit out of me and makes me extremely uncomfortable, ever since I was a little kid. Cameras, too, make me want to end my life right there and then. I feel as if I'm extremely ugly and HATE being looked at in any capacity. I hate any acknowledgement of my existence itself

 

[not_a_robot]

YES YES YES holy shit. I hate eye contact. It doesn't help that I am both autistic AND cannot hear out of one ear— I stare at the mouth. Yanno, so I can hear, and because it's less awkward.

No more than two years ago did someone pull that, "no, no, look me in the eyes. It shows we can trust each other," while hugging me to death (I did not want this hug) and overstimulating me with touch and sound.

There are baby photos of me sobbing and pulling away from humans. Mom said I was a really quiet baby, until someone looked me in the eyes. Then I screamed my damn head off.

Holy shit. Are you me? Autistic, bad hearing in one ear.
My mom was my only protector, the only one who accepted that I didn't like being smothered by other people's attention. "You were always fine til people tried to touch you. Then you'd scream like crazy. "

 

[inconsequential]

Holy shit. Are you me? Autistic, bad hearing in one ear.
My mom was my only protector, the only one who accepted that I didn't like being smothered by other people's attention. "You were always fine til people tried to touch you. Then you'd scream like crazy. "

I have a theory that humans are just one soul split into different bodies, and that sometimes we meet another part of our soul that has had a very similar experience. So that we know it is us.

 

[Orin]

I've long suspected that i'm on the spectrum; took a test but it was a negative. But eye contact freaks me out. Though i have no problem if it's with an animal or a child, not sure why that is.

Once i met a guy who, for some reason, was not making eye contact with me. Other than that, he was perfectly normal. Quite sociable actually. (or maybe he has Aspergers and is good at masking it, *shrug*)

 

[GinaIsReady]

Holy shit. Are you me? Autistic, bad hearing in one ear.
My mom was my only protector, the only one who accepted that I didn't like being smothered by other people's attention. "You were always fine til people tried to touch you. Then you'd scream like crazy. "

I always wondered why some babies are like that. Wow!

 

[Sunset764]

I hate it when people tell me to look at them in the eyes, it feels so awkward and I end up looking at the floor at at their mouth.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Yes! Thought it was just me. As a teenager thought there was something wrong with me when the third person close to me, in quick sucession, said I seemed dishonest and untrustworthy as I wouldn't look them in the eyes when I was talking. Never occurred! It seems so alien to me, who the fuck just stares at each others eyes, esp in everyday chat?!! How is that a thing? Still can't get my head round that. Also, the more genuine/deep my conversation is the less I want us to be gawping into each others eyes, it's unsettling and distracting ffs. It does and always will just feel hideously weird.

Also despise the "let's look at those beautiful eyes" shtick. Many flaws but also have large very pale blue eyes, which seems to often attract an unwelcome talking point with people.

Fucking Love shades.

 

[cornflowerblue]

No. Nobody demanded it. Sometimes they asked for it but I could always decline without any problems.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I've never been diagnosed with autism, but I sometimes have trouble making eye contact in conversations. It's easy for me to make eye contact in a conversation if I am talking with a close friend, but I have a lot of trouble with this when I'm talking to strangers or people I'm not close to. I was talking to one of my supervisors today, and I was consciously aware that I was having trouble consistently making eye contact. I think she realizes that I have a lot of social anxiety because she straight-up told me, "You don't have to be so nervous around me. I don't bite." I know she meant it in a nice way, but it was just another reminder of how crippling my social anxiety is in the professional world.
My parents were physically and emotionally abusive. I think this eye contact problem probably stems from my childhood to some extent.

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

Oddly enough, this isn't something I've had too many issues with, even though difficulty with eye contact is a common issue among those on the spectrum.

Very much a case of the old saying "if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism".

 

[Zer0]

I never been diagnoised as an autistc person because i've never been on a psychologist/psychyatrist but i think i have some level os asperge'rs sydrome because i really fit the sythoms, i've lived 21 yers and i still can't look into someone's eyes without feeling insecure, i can't even talk to people normally because i'm afraid of what they will think of me if i'm really myself, i'm a lie to everybody because they will not like me if i'm myself.

 

[woxihuanni]

I suspect I'm on the spectrum because of sensory issues/transition issues, but I'm fine with eye contact. Rather I have suffered because my partner wouldn't look in my eyes after they devalued me, even during sex. They are very scared of going blind, big thank you for purposely being blind to me. Who knows if there is karma?

 

[Wayfaerer]

I had a lot of trouble with maintaining eye contact in my youth but at 17 I got a hair cut and started practicing social interaction with gas station clerks and then it became as natural as breathing.

Before that, I used to hate it because it felt like making eye contact was the equivalent of someone getting in nose-to-nose distance and it were as if my personal space was being invaded. It was just uncomfortable as fuck until I became accustomed to it. I'm not an aspie though just someone who grew up with poor socialization.