attheend13
Member
- Oct 1, 2023
- 63
I feel like I'd like to try just not eating until I get my weight down enough to quit liquids too and just let nature take its course. Is that even suicide? I don't think so. I can go really long times with no food but much less with no water and if you faint there's intervention. The trick is to keep it on the down low. My BF usually makes the food and often he doesn't make enough for me. He thinks I'm flabby which is because of a big 90 lb weight loss before we met. So I'm not thin but I'm not huge either. But it hurts my feelings so much when everyone is called to eat except me. It's humiliating and yet I want to not eat. It's ridiculous. I'm going to start a fast and see how long I can go with nothing but water but the thinner I get the better everyone likes me so then if I gain an ounce back I look fat-ter. I wish I wasn't such a disgusting pig but I am. I like food but if I eat it's all that's talked about. How much I eat how I better be careful. My bf told me if I get fat he won't touch me. I know that anyway but it hurts and the humiliation is so overwhelming I can't talk about it irl. It's a terrible confession but since no one here knows me, I have a weird fantasy about dying of starvation and being skeletal at the end. I think sometimes if I was a skeleton I could eat and no one would care. Stupid though. Obviously that's a contradiction.