Wyldfyre4948
Waiting for my bus
- Jul 12, 2023
- 377
For starters let me say I'm very tired of this world.
So I've tried every weekend for the past few weeks to end my life. Normally this would be cause for celebration, but I think I'm done trying until I can get my hands on SN or even a R2D rebreather. Perhaps I was rash and trying to rush my way out because I'm incredibly alone, depressed, and have no self worth. Partial hanging and night night didn't work for me in previous weeks. I've been going through the motions these past few weeks and barely functioning. My appetite is finally starting to return but nothing gives me any satisfaction. One of my coworkers was nice enough to take me grocery shopping today and now I have $6 to my name. It's bullshit that I spent $29 on a week's worth the food at a dollar store. Even when I get paid I'll probably be broke because I have to pay rent. I need to buy SN and figure out where to get some antiemetics for a successful chance to ctb. Everything in this world is so fucking expensive and that makes living even more depressing. My pride has been shot to hell because I have to ask for help so much now. My brothers are giving me access to their streaming services, and while that's nice it makes me feel like a moocher. My coworkers give me rides and let me borrow their cars if they don't need it. I'm sure this sounds like I've got a great support system, and I appreciate them for their help. I just wonder when this well will run dry.
At this point I just want to disappear. Let my brothers and their coworkers go back to their lives and not worry about my broken ass. My older brother knows about my unique perspective about suicide, and I don't really want to drag anyone else into that abyss. I just want a suicide booth from Futurama or some easy access death that I won't inconvenience anyone with. Something that I can get in a few weeks and use on a weekend. That way nobody will know anything until I don't come to work on monday. Everyone keeps telling me to "hang in there" and I just keep going through the motions. My family thinks I'm getting better but really I'm just hiding it better than before. I'm just done with everything and it would be nice to be gone before September. In order for that to happen I need to get my hands on a couple key items and then pray that everything goes smoothly. All this time I've been hoping for a win, but at this point I'd settle for a tie.
So I've tried every weekend for the past few weeks to end my life. Normally this would be cause for celebration, but I think I'm done trying until I can get my hands on SN or even a R2D rebreather. Perhaps I was rash and trying to rush my way out because I'm incredibly alone, depressed, and have no self worth. Partial hanging and night night didn't work for me in previous weeks. I've been going through the motions these past few weeks and barely functioning. My appetite is finally starting to return but nothing gives me any satisfaction. One of my coworkers was nice enough to take me grocery shopping today and now I have $6 to my name. It's bullshit that I spent $29 on a week's worth the food at a dollar store. Even when I get paid I'll probably be broke because I have to pay rent. I need to buy SN and figure out where to get some antiemetics for a successful chance to ctb. Everything in this world is so fucking expensive and that makes living even more depressing. My pride has been shot to hell because I have to ask for help so much now. My brothers are giving me access to their streaming services, and while that's nice it makes me feel like a moocher. My coworkers give me rides and let me borrow their cars if they don't need it. I'm sure this sounds like I've got a great support system, and I appreciate them for their help. I just wonder when this well will run dry.
At this point I just want to disappear. Let my brothers and their coworkers go back to their lives and not worry about my broken ass. My older brother knows about my unique perspective about suicide, and I don't really want to drag anyone else into that abyss. I just want a suicide booth from Futurama or some easy access death that I won't inconvenience anyone with. Something that I can get in a few weeks and use on a weekend. That way nobody will know anything until I don't come to work on monday. Everyone keeps telling me to "hang in there" and I just keep going through the motions. My family thinks I'm getting better but really I'm just hiding it better than before. I'm just done with everything and it would be nice to be gone before September. In order for that to happen I need to get my hands on a couple key items and then pray that everything goes smoothly. All this time I've been hoping for a win, but at this point I'd settle for a tie.
