T
ThatStateOfMind
Enlightened
- Nov 13, 2021
- 1,119
There's many facets to this.
When you find someone to love, you can be so happy. It's a double-edged sword though, because they can equally destroy you. I got hurt in the past, and it's what brought me to this site. I've been at one of my darkest points with that.
Another thing that's a struggle is it becomes 10x harder to end yourself. If you love someone, and they love you, you know that CTB will crush them, and utterly destroy them. I mean, I try to put myself in their shoes. If they killed themself, I would be so damn hurt, it would feel like my heart was ripped out and honestly, instead of ending my suffering, I feel it would be more like a transfer of suffering than anything else. Then again, when you have nobody, it's still hard to CTB but you also feel lonely.
I've been in both positions and they both equally suck, maybe there's not much of a difference when your suicidal, but I suppose being in a relationship gives you SOMETHING to push forward for, SOMETHING to live for, SOMETHING to not die for. Maybe it's also delusional hope, I have no clue tbh. I know this may read as a word salad, and I apologize if it does, I'm just completely lost. I have a class I'm dreading starting soon.
I'm in a major I'm starting to hate, in a college I hate, in a life I hate.
When you find someone to love, you can be so happy. It's a double-edged sword though, because they can equally destroy you. I got hurt in the past, and it's what brought me to this site. I've been at one of my darkest points with that.
Another thing that's a struggle is it becomes 10x harder to end yourself. If you love someone, and they love you, you know that CTB will crush them, and utterly destroy them. I mean, I try to put myself in their shoes. If they killed themself, I would be so damn hurt, it would feel like my heart was ripped out and honestly, instead of ending my suffering, I feel it would be more like a transfer of suffering than anything else. Then again, when you have nobody, it's still hard to CTB but you also feel lonely.
I've been in both positions and they both equally suck, maybe there's not much of a difference when your suicidal, but I suppose being in a relationship gives you SOMETHING to push forward for, SOMETHING to live for, SOMETHING to not die for. Maybe it's also delusional hope, I have no clue tbh. I know this may read as a word salad, and I apologize if it does, I'm just completely lost. I have a class I'm dreading starting soon.
I'm in a major I'm starting to hate, in a college I hate, in a life I hate.