Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,983
I suppose this is kind of a broad topic, and I'm not sure how to encompass it properly in this little box I have to type in. But in short, I never really could work out what I was supposed to do with my life. I never wanted children; it feels difficult and unrewarding, and I like the idea of always having freedom and privacy without anyone nipping at my ankles. Truth be told, even my cat bugs me at times, so I know I'm not cut out for the job. I also can't really take care of myself, so I always felt like I have no right to have kids. Besides which, I do sort of lean towards the antinatalist movement, even though part of me thinks it's a bit twisted and nihilistic at times.
This does beg the question as to what the hell my currency in life is, though. Most people want to settle down and have a family, and I don't. So I often catch myself thinking "what's the goal here? Work hard for the next 30 years just to have a bigger couch to lay on at the end of the day?" It's like there's this void that I have no idea how to fill. I feel odd and childish firing up a video game or dumb horror movie on Netflix. Like on some level I think I should have outgrown that, but in the absence of anything bigger to focus on, it doesn't seem like there's anything left other than mindless escapism.
I guess I feel like there's very little incentive to better myself or improve my circumstances, even though I'm desperately trying. I don't want to be seen as an embarrassment or failure by my family, and I like having a cushy life with my gf. But I just can't see any meaningful future ahead of me. I was never a super nice guy or anything IRL, so I can't see myself ever volunteering in a soup kitchen or anything like that. I imagine this is a pretty common feeling, but I know a lot of the userbase is younger than me, so this might be on people's radars yet.
Anyone feel the same or have any insight to offer?
This does beg the question as to what the hell my currency in life is, though. Most people want to settle down and have a family, and I don't. So I often catch myself thinking "what's the goal here? Work hard for the next 30 years just to have a bigger couch to lay on at the end of the day?" It's like there's this void that I have no idea how to fill. I feel odd and childish firing up a video game or dumb horror movie on Netflix. Like on some level I think I should have outgrown that, but in the absence of anything bigger to focus on, it doesn't seem like there's anything left other than mindless escapism.
I guess I feel like there's very little incentive to better myself or improve my circumstances, even though I'm desperately trying. I don't want to be seen as an embarrassment or failure by my family, and I like having a cushy life with my gf. But I just can't see any meaningful future ahead of me. I was never a super nice guy or anything IRL, so I can't see myself ever volunteering in a soup kitchen or anything like that. I imagine this is a pretty common feeling, but I know a lot of the userbase is younger than me, so this might be on people's radars yet.
Anyone feel the same or have any insight to offer?