kane
Student
- Jun 26, 2020
- 171
Generally speaking, I don't find ideas about hell particularly convincing. All that fiery torment and torture stuff seems a bit unnecessary. But I do fear my consciousness continuing in some form beyond death. Becoming trapped with the dissatisfaction and regrets that have plagued my life, with no ability to escape or change. Like some kind of eternal echo of who I am now.
I feel like I should be doing something toward finding a greater state of mental peace while I'm still alive, so that there's less to potentially torment me beyond death. But I'm not really sure what form that would take. I definitely don't think I should be doing what most people do in search of fulfilment - having children, starting a family. That's a regret I'm just going to have to carry. I'm also extremely limited in my capacity for any kind of romantic connection. So that's going to be another huge regret.
I don't think there's much I can do to make amends to those I've wronged in the past. So that guilt is going to weigh on me. In some ways I'm a better person now, but I think I've just about exhausted therapy as a route to self-improvement. My demons aren't going anywhere. There might be more I could do to help others in future, though right now I'm struggling to just keep myself afloat. I don't have the resources or the conviction to be of much use to others.
Without traditionally religious ideas of redemption, it's hard to know what to do. I don't believe in confession, or a god that will save me. I would just like to feel a greater sense of peace before I die - to feel ok with reality as it is. For the fear, and the craving, and the terrible sense of wrongness to quiet down a bit.
I feel like I should be doing something toward finding a greater state of mental peace while I'm still alive, so that there's less to potentially torment me beyond death. But I'm not really sure what form that would take. I definitely don't think I should be doing what most people do in search of fulfilment - having children, starting a family. That's a regret I'm just going to have to carry. I'm also extremely limited in my capacity for any kind of romantic connection. So that's going to be another huge regret.
I don't think there's much I can do to make amends to those I've wronged in the past. So that guilt is going to weigh on me. In some ways I'm a better person now, but I think I've just about exhausted therapy as a route to self-improvement. My demons aren't going anywhere. There might be more I could do to help others in future, though right now I'm struggling to just keep myself afloat. I don't have the resources or the conviction to be of much use to others.
Without traditionally religious ideas of redemption, it's hard to know what to do. I don't believe in confession, or a god that will save me. I would just like to feel a greater sense of peace before I die - to feel ok with reality as it is. For the fear, and the craving, and the terrible sense of wrongness to quiet down a bit.