Finding myself disgusting

[Blowba]

After ending a horribly toxic relationship weeks ago I been having a good time with my emotions until these past 3 days. I feel guilty and disgusted in myself that I don't deserve to feel good about myself for ending it. I feel like I just abandoned them or the reason they did the stuff they done was because I did not supported or been looking out for them enough. I feel like they were right in treating me the way they did I just want to go back to them a non stop apologizing and crying to them. I feel regretful in ending it and I really want to them sorry and it's eating me away. I truly believe I don't deserve the people I have around me now.

 

[komm susser todd]

I wouldnt say im disgusted in myself, but my complete self hatred is something thats driving me towards ending it all.

Simple fact of the matter is i see my self as my own individual and thus have no reason to have to answer to anyone. What i do with my own life is my own right to do with as i please so lony as it doesnt directly affect anyone ie blowing my brains out in my families living room.

It sounds rough, but a little selfish goes a long way to be able to decide and do whats best for you.

 

[bath salts]

After ending a horribly toxic relationship weeks ago I been having a good time with my emotions until these past 3 days. I feel guilty and disgusted in myself that I don't deserve to feel good about myself for ending it. I feel like I just abandoned them or the reason they did the stuff they done was because I did not supported or been looking out for them enough. I feel like they were right in treating me the way they did I just want to go back to them a non stop apologizing and crying to them. I feel regretful in ending it and I really want to them sorry and it's eating me away. I truly believe I don't deserve the people I have around me now.

I'm sorry that you're in this state of mind right now! You said it best yourself, though, you ended a horribly toxic relationship. They were not good for you if you were unhappy with the way that they treated you. It seems like they were just not healthy for you - this doesn't make you disgusting nor does it mean you should go back to them. It's ok to make decisions that are beneficial to yourself sometimes, it's ok to be a little bit selfish (I would even hesitate calling it being selfish, you're just thinking about what is beneficial to yourself which is natural). It doesn't mean that you don't deserve the love and support from those around you! You obviously care a lot about the people close to you. Anyone who has this much empathy and regrets not "doing enough" when they did their best cannot be horrible or disgusting people. Much love to you tonight!