You were so brave and self-encouraged on the day before your expected departure, what's happening to you now? You sound like a wreck.. :[ Why overthinking..
The choice is yours, but isnt it the way its supposed to be - retrying until succeeded?
Well yeah, I guess that is how it goes. I sound like a wreck?? Well you ain't wrong my friend. I'm deeper than the fucking Mary rose was.
Now? I don't even know, so much has happened, then? Well, something clicked o. My brain. I WANTED TO FUCKING DIE. a switch was flipped. Its a very strange mindset. I've only had it twice, the sheer outright NEED to kill myself. There is a state of being Inside all of us. It takes a lot to get there. I'm not In that state, but .I look at where I am and at everything that has happened. I'm riding the waves of suicide in desperation.