Story Final Truth of a Sociopath

[Its911]

This is my story.

Im 27 years old, living in a non-extradition country because im wanted in the US, however i lived there all my life. I was diagnosed as a Sociopath only a few years ago and it actually explained a lot of things in my life. I cant even begin to say the things i have done, the people that i have hurt to achive my goals. I have caused unimaginable suffering in my family. I havent spoken to my younger sister in more than 7 years. I recently hurt(emotionaly) repeatedly my fiancee to the point that we broke up a few months ago. I dont feel guilt, remorse i dont know what its like to be able to feel love for someone, because im constantly manipulating them, and calculating ways to achieve and get what i want. My parents are now in their 70's and most nights cry themselfs to sleep because they cant come see me where i am. I live a constant lie, everything about me is a lie even the story i tell people when i meet them for the first time. I dont feel bad about it but i realized that im causing too much pain to the people that really care about me. So because of this i have decided to CTB by full extension, i will do it either today or tomorrow i wont put it off any longer this will be my second attempt(first was pills) i just wanted to share this before i go, in a place free of judgements and with a community of people that understand pain. I am not in pain sice i dont have empathy for what my family goes through but i see the damage i have caused and still am causing. I will be online maybe today and tomorrow, i will begin setting up in a metal support beam, i am affraid. I was going to originaly try partial extension but i dont want my survival instincts to kick in, i will write the letters for my family and friends letting them know that this decision i make in peace and that its not their fault. I will text a friend to come to the house with a set time so that hes the one to find me since i live alone. I dont know whats on the other side for me, but atleast my family will be better off in this life. As i write these words my hands sweat and my body shakes because i know theres no turning back, im living the final hours of my life and i am in a weird way at a certain peace. I wish everyone here the best, you are all the bravest people i will never meet. What ever you decide i hope you find peace in it.

My name is Ismael(means god listens)

Im 27 years old, i leave behind my gorgeous daughter Aleana(5) and an amazing family.

Method:Full Extension

When i finish my set up i will post a picture and ask if im doing it right, i dont want to make a mistake.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Wow. I'm sorry to read your story and that you won't be able to see your family before you go. I wish you all the very best and hope things go according to your plans. X

 

[Its911]

Wow. I'm sorry to read your story and that you won't be able to see your family before you go. I wish you all the very best and hope things go according to your plans. X

Thank you. I wish things would have turned out diffrently but life is cruel.

 

[Noitu x Love]

I'm glad you're taking accountability here. Hopefully those with your affliction can seek help before its too late. Though I am a eugenicist, so I think your exit is for. The best.

Good luck, and Godspeed.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Im really sorry to hear your situation and for u to get to this point.
Good luck to when you do decide to do it

 

[Idorus]

Thank you. I wish things would have turned out diffrently but life is cruel.

It is very cruel. Free will is a huge lie. Thank you for your honesty and openness as well. Feel free to share.

 

[goxua]

Thank you for sharing who you are, with us. It takes an incredible amount of self-awareness, honesty and courage to write what you wrote. I'm wishing only the best for you - that you find your peace - and that your family too find theirs xx

 

[Donewith_]

Im sorry to hear this.
I have seen some of what you have written. People will get hurt because of me though I do it intentionally or not. I have seen emotional abandonment most of my childhood. I grew up feeling like crap and unworthy.no one ever stood up for me.. I havent learnt it for a longtime. I was treated like door mat. But, sometimes I feel for others more.. I mean knowing that others are suffering because of me kills me Inside. I'm the same way from as long as I can remember. But, my family and some people I know will be better off without me. I knew that surely.
Also, I'm emotionally unstable.
I'm sorry man you are here.. if any of it stemmed from abuse or some unwanted incidents. Hope you find peace

 

[odette]

You feel you need to kill yourself to prevent causing suffering for others? You're terrified of dying but you're doing so because you believe it's the best for everyone else? Doesn't that mean you aren't a sociopath?

 

[Its911]

You feel you need to kill yourself to prevent causing suffering for others? You're terrified of dying but you're doing so because you believe it's the best for everyone else? Doesn't that mean you aren't a sociopath?

Sociopathy can let me distinguish whats right and wrong i just dont care, but i can see that it hurts others. I dont feel remorse(incapable) for the things i done, Im not just CTB'ing to stop hurting them, im doing it because im just too tired. Tired of being a fugitive for over 7 years, (im home sick). This is probably the most selfish thing ill do, which is kinda ironic but atleast its a one time thing. I dont feel for my family, i just want them to have a better life and i know they'll be better off in the long run, and its extremely exhausting living in a constant state of hyperawareness and not being able to understand other people.

 

[Vaughn]

wishing you success in your goals, (hug)