FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,916
The Sanctioned Suicide community have seen me grow up and looked out for me. For that I will always be grateful. Everyone here has been a real friend and tried their best to help me with my problems. People here did not judge me and made me feel so safe. This is why I love this community.
Society blames the Internet but never the society that treats mentally ill people feel like an inconvenience on everyone's normal lives. Society blames the Internet but never our politicians who make no effort to fix our broken mental health care system.
Society needs to understand if a person doesn't reach out to family and friends it is for a reason. Not everyone has compassionate and non judgemental families and friends. Everytime I have reached out to family and friends I regret it so much. First as a teenager I reached out to my Auntie who is a qualified US nurse. She was nice to my face and was laughing behind my back. She was telling other relatives I was crazy and gossiping about my private business. I do not feel comfortable opening up to my mum because she has a habit of lecturing about how hard her life was growing up in a thrid world country and emigrating with little money to the UK. The way she does it is pure guilt tripping. Having a parent like this is why I dont report feeling depressed or anxious or any mental health problem because it makes the situation worse. My grandmother views anyone who doesn't overcome adversity the way she did as weak. She said last week " I laugh when people complain because they dont how other people suffer". Every problem i have is trivialised and dismissed by my family because I didn't have a hard life my mum and grandmother did in their thrid world home country. This is the reality of living in an African immigrant household in a western country.
When I was 21 my closet friend in my undergraduate law class who comes from the same culture as me avoided me when I told her I was suicidal. She told me to go to church and blamed my feminist beliefs for why I am depressed. She was one of those Christians who went church every Sunday and didn't live by love thy neighbour. I have so many stories of reaching out and being let down. Let down by those I loved and trusted. Difficulty in accessing NHS services is another reason why my mental health has deteriorated throughout the years.
If people listened to me when I reached out that I was suffering from depression at 21 I would have never ended up here in this community. People who are misunderstood and outcasted by society will seek a community who will understand them, never judge them and make them feel loved.
I have reached a point where nothing can give me relief for the mental torment I live with everyday. I can't live with anoxeria but I can't live without it either. I am addicted to the euophoria of losing weight. Everyday I have nightmares that I failed my resit exam. We are only allowed 1 resit at university. The exam was super hard and I struggled to answer the questions. There is no way I am passing that exam. I messed up so badly.
I failed my masters degree and I will not graduate from university. I have accepted this. My boyfriend is amazing but we have an age gap meaning no future. I am 28 he is 23. When I am in my 30s he will still be in his 20s. I love him so much but he is immature in so many ways. I want a husband, a man. He adores me so much but how can a 5 year gap work. He will leave me eventually for a younger woman.
I want to sleep forever all this anxiety and mental torment will stop when I kill myself. This is the year I really die. There is no way out. Last night I had no sleep I can't cope anymore with this. This is not living. I feel so trapped.
Thank you
Sanctioned Suicide
Society blames the Internet but never the society that treats mentally ill people feel like an inconvenience on everyone's normal lives. Society blames the Internet but never our politicians who make no effort to fix our broken mental health care system.
Society needs to understand if a person doesn't reach out to family and friends it is for a reason. Not everyone has compassionate and non judgemental families and friends. Everytime I have reached out to family and friends I regret it so much. First as a teenager I reached out to my Auntie who is a qualified US nurse. She was nice to my face and was laughing behind my back. She was telling other relatives I was crazy and gossiping about my private business. I do not feel comfortable opening up to my mum because she has a habit of lecturing about how hard her life was growing up in a thrid world country and emigrating with little money to the UK. The way she does it is pure guilt tripping. Having a parent like this is why I dont report feeling depressed or anxious or any mental health problem because it makes the situation worse. My grandmother views anyone who doesn't overcome adversity the way she did as weak. She said last week " I laugh when people complain because they dont how other people suffer". Every problem i have is trivialised and dismissed by my family because I didn't have a hard life my mum and grandmother did in their thrid world home country. This is the reality of living in an African immigrant household in a western country.
When I was 21 my closet friend in my undergraduate law class who comes from the same culture as me avoided me when I told her I was suicidal. She told me to go to church and blamed my feminist beliefs for why I am depressed. She was one of those Christians who went church every Sunday and didn't live by love thy neighbour. I have so many stories of reaching out and being let down. Let down by those I loved and trusted. Difficulty in accessing NHS services is another reason why my mental health has deteriorated throughout the years.
If people listened to me when I reached out that I was suffering from depression at 21 I would have never ended up here in this community. People who are misunderstood and outcasted by society will seek a community who will understand them, never judge them and make them feel loved.
I have reached a point where nothing can give me relief for the mental torment I live with everyday. I can't live with anoxeria but I can't live without it either. I am addicted to the euophoria of losing weight. Everyday I have nightmares that I failed my resit exam. We are only allowed 1 resit at university. The exam was super hard and I struggled to answer the questions. There is no way I am passing that exam. I messed up so badly.
I failed my masters degree and I will not graduate from university. I have accepted this. My boyfriend is amazing but we have an age gap meaning no future. I am 28 he is 23. When I am in my 30s he will still be in his 20s. I love him so much but he is immature in so many ways. I want a husband, a man. He adores me so much but how can a 5 year gap work. He will leave me eventually for a younger woman.
I want to sleep forever all this anxiety and mental torment will stop when I kill myself. This is the year I really die. There is no way out. Last night I had no sleep I can't cope anymore with this. This is not living. I feel so trapped.
Thank you
Sanctioned Suicide
