![cait_sith](/data/avatars/l/91/91534.jpg?1722457817)
cait_sith
Brain rotted, often missing word
- Apr 8, 2024
- 141
If loneliness was a Pokémon I have managed to let grow into its final evolution that is impossible to beat. I have been alone for so long that I can't fathom existing in relation to another human. This not just an inability to socialise or anything like that, I have removed myself for so long from others that I can't comprehend how existence is not being alone, but my body and mind still craves for this kind of bodily and emotional feedback but I can't conceptualise what it would entail, how to get there. All of my family is dead since 8 years, except a severely mentally disable distant relative in a home, so there is no one close left, I can feel how I am in need of connection but crippled myself so much with isolation that it's impossible for me to get. I was lonely before but this loneliness feels final, i will die with this feeling. I can feel it physically with cold contracting pain in my chest, I became even more severely stupid and retarded and more weird from the lack of any sort of interaction. I am severely behaviourally abnormal which always drove people away, and I amplified everything wrong with me tenfold with time from being alone so much I feel.