reveriestarsx
New Member
- Mar 2, 2023
- 3
I've set a tentative date for ctb, which is sometime around a year and a half from now. Why such a long way ahead? Because there is one thing I refuse to die without having finished, and that's my book. I love writing and I want to publish a book or two before dying and giving myself a year and a half seems like enough time for me to finish my books. But there's just a few things that sadden me about having chosen a date. I'm glad I did, especially since one of the mental disorders I have is well known for causing the greatest amount of mental pain in any given individual and I really don't want to live like that. But I'll never be able to say I overcame my trauma. I'll never be able to say I died happy and fulfilled. I'll never be able to say my disorder didn't kill me. I'll never be able to say I finished university. I'll never be able to proudly hold up a degree. I'll never be able to look at my healed scars and decide to tattoo stars over them. I'll never be able to move in with someone I don't consider toxic. There are so many things I'll just never be able to say I was able to do, and that really sucks. While I have enough time to publish my books and feel fulfilled to a degree enough that I can ctb, I'll never die happily. I've always known I wouldn't live a long life due to my physical disabilities, it still sucks I won't be able to do it happily. I didn't want to do it and feel incomplete, or that I was running from my pain but well, here I am. At least I'll have published a book and I guess that makes me happy enough
The funniest part is that one of my books is almost a map to my life and now I'm planning on cutting it short, I guess that book will have to be shortened as well. Sorry, my lovely character.
The funniest part is that one of my books is almost a map to my life and now I'm planning on cutting it short, I guess that book will have to be shortened as well. Sorry, my lovely character.