sad_frog
Member
- May 21, 2019
- 97
Ive always been that kind of person who runs away from my problems. I mean I would literally run and hide in the woods behind my house instead of going to highschool. Or maybe I would camp out in my car for a couple days in an abandoned parking lot. Facing people is one of the most terror inducing scenarios for me.
But now Ive started to fight. I think it started at specific time. My nmom called the cops on me back in 2017 because I didn't go to the first two days of school at a college I was excited to get into. There is a law if the ambulance shows up you have to go with them to be evaluated. So I started fighting; pulling away, kicking, screaming, just trying to make everyone involved go through hell. I was strapped down for nearly 2 hours.
I got to the phyc hospital later and was having a melt down. I thought "Ill show everyone what I actually feel deep down, Ill kill myself here! Ill give my mom the show she wants." I ripped the mirror off the wall and tried to shatter it so I could cut open my neck or something....but the mirror was shatter proof. People came into my room and held me back. I was taken to a room so I could be watched. I was now naked besides a nightgown they gave me. I didnt care if they saw me naked, I was an animal after all... I took the chairs and started throwing them. I no longer cared. I was let out and put on 24 hour watch. I threw my pillow against a wall and it bounced off and hit the 24 hour watch nurse who was playing on her phone. She ran out saying i had hit her. So I followed her down the hall and called her awful names, making sure I woke up everyone I could. Some younger patient came to me the next morning and told me to shut up so i pushed her away by her neck and nothing more came of that.
I pretty much continued to do bad things
AND
GUESS
WHAT!!
I was out of the hospital in record time despite me doing the worst things!
-openingly saying I have thoughts of hurting myself and others, even on the day I was let out.
-damaged property
-harassed staff
-attacking others..
I never even saw a doctor, I guess they just wanted me the fuck out of there...
Im...not proud of this, not at all... but my brain says "it worked," so every time ive been cornered since then im thrown into a rage where I attack and break things. Ive never ever been like this before but after that time in the hospital Ive been a different more angry person. I dont want to be this way...
But now Ive started to fight. I think it started at specific time. My nmom called the cops on me back in 2017 because I didn't go to the first two days of school at a college I was excited to get into. There is a law if the ambulance shows up you have to go with them to be evaluated. So I started fighting; pulling away, kicking, screaming, just trying to make everyone involved go through hell. I was strapped down for nearly 2 hours.
I got to the phyc hospital later and was having a melt down. I thought "Ill show everyone what I actually feel deep down, Ill kill myself here! Ill give my mom the show she wants." I ripped the mirror off the wall and tried to shatter it so I could cut open my neck or something....but the mirror was shatter proof. People came into my room and held me back. I was taken to a room so I could be watched. I was now naked besides a nightgown they gave me. I didnt care if they saw me naked, I was an animal after all... I took the chairs and started throwing them. I no longer cared. I was let out and put on 24 hour watch. I threw my pillow against a wall and it bounced off and hit the 24 hour watch nurse who was playing on her phone. She ran out saying i had hit her. So I followed her down the hall and called her awful names, making sure I woke up everyone I could. Some younger patient came to me the next morning and told me to shut up so i pushed her away by her neck and nothing more came of that.
I pretty much continued to do bad things
AND
GUESS
WHAT!!
I was out of the hospital in record time despite me doing the worst things!
-openingly saying I have thoughts of hurting myself and others, even on the day I was let out.
-damaged property
-harassed staff
-attacking others..
I never even saw a doctor, I guess they just wanted me the fuck out of there...
Im...not proud of this, not at all... but my brain says "it worked," so every time ive been cornered since then im thrown into a rage where I attack and break things. Ive never ever been like this before but after that time in the hospital Ive been a different more angry person. I dont want to be this way...
