Help Few questions about preparations for hanging

[HollowWorld]

Hello,

I plan on killing myself within next two years after I exhaust all options irl to make my life better and break out of loneliness, social isolation and being unlovable.

I wanted to ask for some advice, I've chosen partial suspension method:
1. Main concern is that I cannot hang myself at home because I don't live alone. I planned on renting the hotel room on the Day Zero and doing it there, but I don't know really. What location would be the safest? I live in 1mil+ city. Perhaps going to the basement at 2AM. Also I dont really want my body to rot somewhere forever.

2. I am still not sure if I got what it takes, but should I do some kind of tests before Day Zero?

3. Would you guys write goodbye letter?

4. Any general tips of what to try rethink etc before I do it?

 

[Lady black]

I would not do it in a hotel, i would try to rent a cottage outside a city for example.
Yes you should do testruns, but don´t fix the rope, otherwhise you could be dead before you want to die, the noose kills without mercy...
Yes I would write a farewell letter, the world should understand why I kiles myself
For the hanging: Be sure that the achorpoint is good, be sure that no one distrubs you and be sure that you know where your arteries are, so that you can place the rope right. Read the hanging megathread befor you start testruns

 

[GreenDagny]

Have you tried everything possible to not be isolated and lonely? Is it mostly social anxiety or feeling stuck in the place you are at due to obligation or lack of resources/ability to move at this time? Why do you think you are unlovable and are they rational or programmed into you? (there are 7.7 billion people in the world to find friends and partners). These are questions to ponder.

 

[HollowWorld]

Have you tried everything possible to not be isolated and lonely? Is it mostly social anxiety or feeling stuck in the place you are at due to obligation or lack of resources/ability to move at this time? Why do you think you are unlovable and are they rational or programmed into you? (there are 7.7 billion people in the world to find friends and partners). These are questions to ponder.

No not yet but I am just doing my research currently for what I am planning to do when all hope will be lost. I gave myself time till 25th birthday which is under 20 months. I am isolated because I consider myself too unattractive. The reason why I will be choosing to die is lack of love in my life and I believe deeply that life without love is not worth living. Currently at 23 I never even talked to a woman besides cashiers, my contact with girls is literal zero and that is what I will try to fix before Day Zero.

 

[GreenDagny]

I see. I wish you good luck on trying to fix your life and find a partner. I am not going to lie it will probably take you more than 20 months to do. Have you considered dating apps? Even good looking people struggle finding partners in their life. Just do not give up too early. I hope you can fix whatever you need to, there are programs that help build confidence. A lot of women just want a partner to care about them genuinly.

 

[HollowWorld]

Have you considered dating apps?

If I tried dating apps as below average looking male I'd probably be doing the hanging method today. I have been thinking about psychiatrist and strong meds because I suspect I live in a lot of delusions created by myself but I am scared of side effects like erection problems.

 

[GreenDagny]

Yeah you have an obsession with how you look. Even ugly people find partners. Idk you may even be average or handsome and in some sort of dysmorphia. I would try therapy before meds, meds can have horrible side effects. Also even good looking people get rejected so. Idk what else to say. I am genuinly unattractive and people make fun of me but have found partners. You may also have too high of expectations of who you want to be with. Sorry if I am being too blunt I am trying to help you be realistic while also not giving up hope.

 

[HollowWorld]

and in some sort of dysmorphia

Yes it is true, I am fully obsessed with my looks and it is the source of every problem. I used to get bullied brutally over it. Worst part was complete social exclusion and isolation during my key developmental years (13 y/o till now) that made me who I am today.

I don't even know if something like this exists, but I might be in some sort of state of dysmorphic illusion because I see few logical explanations for my thought process and behavior OR it might be just a cope made by myself to help me go through with life. I might try psychiatrist just to make sure I am not living in a delusion.

Are you having similar problems by any chance?

 

[GreenDagny]

Yeah people used to be cruel to me as well, still are sometimes. Body dysmorphic disorder is for people who look normal or above average and obsess over being ugly. I consider myself ugly 100%, I think about it a lot. Even if a person is unnattractive it is still not good to obsess over it all of the time, not sure if that has a disorder name or not. But I know even unnattractive people have relationships as I have in the past and know of others. May just have to lower expectations of how a partner may look but maybe not.

 

[Relief]

In regards to number 3. I personally won't. The letter is for those who stay, not for yourself. I do not care for those i'm leaving behind as it is their fault i've come to this moment in time. They do not deserve the peacefulness a letter would bring them. They deserve nothingness while i deserve not to waste my last memories on a "chore".

 

[HollowWorld]

Yeah people used to be cruel to me as well, still are sometimes. Body dysmorphic disorder is for people who look normal or above average and obsess over being ugly. I consider myself ugly 100%, I think about it a lot. Even if a person is unnattractive it is still not good to obsess over it all of the time, not sure if that has a disorder name or not. But I know even unnattractive people have relationships as I have in the past and know of others. May just have to lower expectations of how a partner may look but maybe not.

Have you been to psychiatrist? Do you think it will help me see myself how I really am?

 

[GreenDagny]

Yes they will tell you the truth and help you figure things out. Do not go to a psychiatarist they only prescribe meds and that will not help. Go to a therpist, such as a psyhcologist or social worker who is trained in therapy or whatever title they have where you are from. Good luck.