Venting Feels so lethargic to even buy supplies

[Ploj]

I just have no enough energy to even go buy supplies to ctb at the moment.

I'm considering SN after reading the forum as I feel it is quite accessible where I live. Still, I would have to call the local suppliers if I can purchase it privately and without any documents showing it's for research purpose etc. I'd have to lie about my genuine purpose of purchasing SN or getting meto and stuff and honestly I'm not a good liar and I get anxious when talking on the phone especially.

I have bpd and I have moments where I feel completely comfortable about exiting and that I need to do this but then a few mins later I feel slightly hopeful altho it lasts like a sec. I know I'm not fully ready yet to decide on anything but I just want to get my supplies ready to feel I have a real choice, yknow.

The point is, I'm just lack of energy to even call or step outside of my house to buy them. I wish I had my usual meds that helped me for years but now I'm not on any medications cuz of my family.

I'm so disconnected from people and the society right now. I wish I could just blink my eyes and die instantly lol.

This is my first post on the forum so just say hi and welcome me :')

 

[itsmeagain]

Hey, welcome to SS hun. I'm really sorry you're dealing with that. I have bipolar 2, not 1, so I suppose im not in the exact same boat, but I absolutely know what it's like to be switching between these sorts of feelings. Feel free to post in the Recovery topic as well as this one for however you feel. People here won't get fed up or anything. You may wish to try and pursue the medications that helped you, because if you have something that kind of fixed you once upon a time, perhaps it may be worth it to you to find it again. I believe you can simply purchase SN from local laboratories or even Amazon? Don't quote me on that, but make sure you get SODIUM NITRITE and NOT sodium NITRATE. The A and the I make all the difference.

I don't think it would be too far of a stretch to talk todoctors about why you need the medication, or even your family, but some families are crazy so I understand.

 

[Melkus2020]

You can get all the supplies at online pharmacy stores. I'm shopping on amazon, goldpharma as soon as my credit card arrives. You should too if going out on errands with this morbid idea in the back of your mind is too much.

 

[elacnt]

Depending on where you live you don't really have to give any excuses to buy anything.
Where I live I can just order SN, no questions asked. And the meds are all OTC, I just need to go to the drug store and buy them without telling the purpose and even if it's for me or not.
Only the benzos that I'm gonna need to get with a doctor and probably say I'm having horrible anxiety/panic attacks which in the end, it's true lol
So, maybe you don't even need to make up excuses and lie about it. Because if you can buy it easily I bet people couldn't care less about the reasons.
See if everything is legal and easy to get and just order over the phone/internet.

 

[Ploj]

Thanks peeps for your kind replies. I thought nobody would reply anymore since it was posted awhile ago.

Hey, welcome to SS hun. I'm really sorry you're dealing with that. I have bipolar 2, not 1, so I suppose im not in the exact same boat, but I absolutely know what it's like to be switching between these sorts of feelings. Feel free to post in the Recovery topic as well as this one for however you feel. People here won't get fed up or anything. You may wish to try and pursue the medications that helped you, because if you have something that kind of fixed you once upon a time, perhaps it may be worth it to you to find it again. I believe you can simply purchase SN from local laboratories or even Amazon? Don't quote me on that, but make sure you get SODIUM NITRITE and NOT sodium NITRATE. The A and the I make all the difference.

I don't think it would be too far of a stretch to talk todoctors about why you need the medication, or even your family, but some families are crazy so I understand.

I was actually diagnosed as bipolar type 2 as well :) My manic episodes are just hypomanic altho recently the cycle has been drastically changed to what I believe is 'rapid cycling' perhaps due to sudden withdrawal of medications. Feels good to know that I have an understanding companion :)

I'm currently based in South Korea. To my knowledge, purchasing SN locally is restricted for research and industrial use after incidents of intended and unintended deaths. I haven't tried to inquire or contact the local suppliers due to aforementioned reasons. I did look up on amazon and ebay but no supplier seems to ship to Korea. I could try the Chinese version of ebay that is quite popular here but its reliability is not guaranteed and there's the virus thing going on rn so the customs may be extra cautious for things coming from China.

I did finally order SN from the US through a buying agent however it's taking forever and I don't even know if it will get stuck at the customs. Supposedly it has to arrive by end of feb but am so stressed about this as I want to ctb latest by early march.

For antiemetics, domperidone is available OTC in Korea so I'd probably go for that. Also I luckily found my last pill of xanax in my bag. Seeing a doc for psych meds was not even much of a hassle but I just feel less troubled lol.

Thanks again for all your kind replies. I was feeling a bit sad and disappointed cuz I saw no reply as I kept refreshing the post for about 3 days straight :')

 

[AlreadyGone]

Depending on where you live you don't really have to give any excuses to buy anything.
Where I live I can just order SN, no questions asked. And the meds are all OTC, I just need to go to the drug store and buy them without telling the purpose and even if it's for me or not.
Only the benzos that I'm gonna need to get with a doctor and probably say I'm having horrible anxiety/panic attacks which in the end, it's true lol
So, maybe you don't even need to make up excuses and lie about it. Because if you can buy it easily I bet people couldn't care less about the reasons.
See if everything is legal and easy to get and just order over the phone/internet.

This. I pretty much just ordered everything online. The worst part was waiting for delivery.

 

[itsmeagain]

Thanks peeps for your kind replies. I thought nobody would reply anymore since it was posted awhile ago.



I was actually diagnosed as bipolar type 2 as well :) My manic episodes are just hypomanic altho recently the cycle has been drastically changed to what I believe is 'rapid cycling' perhaps due to sudden withdrawal of medications. Feels good to know that I have an understanding companion :)

I'm currently based in South Korea. To my knowledge, purchasing SN locally is restricted for research and industrial use after incidents of intended and unintended deaths. I haven't tried to inquire or contact the local suppliers due to aforementioned reasons. I did look up on amazon and ebay but no supplier seems to ship to Korea. I could try the Chinese version of ebay that is quite popular here but its reliability is not guaranteed and there's the virus thing going on rn so the customs may be extra cautious for things coming from China.

I did finally order SN from the US through a buying agent however it's taking forever and I don't even know if it will get stuck at the customs. Supposedly it has to arrive by end of feb but am so stressed about this as I want to ctb latest by early march.

For antiemetics, domperidone is available OTC in Korea so I'd probably go for that. Also I luckily found my last pill of xanax in my bag. Seeing a doc for psych meds was not even much of a hassle but I just feel less troubled lol.

Thanks again for all your kind replies. I was feeling a bit sad and disappointed cuz I saw no reply as I kept refreshing the post for about 3 days straight :')

Awww sweetheart I'm so sorry that happened to you. It mustbe hard being in korea like that especially with the virus shit. I'm so glad you managed to gett all the way to this forum to a home away frome home. Please, PM me if you need. <3